Retirement Works Best When You Choose What Matters

Retirement looks a lot less like endless leisure and a lot more like managing a calendar that keeps filling itself. We talk through the mindset shift that helps us move from nonstop busyness to an intentional life that includes real rest. 

• retirement as a full-time job without the paycheck 
• the hidden workload of health care, workouts, and daily logistics 
• navigating smaller appetites and prioritizing protein while using GLP-1 medications 
• why travel planning now requires reservations and constant coordination 
• how the productivity mindset follows us into retirement and creates guilt 
• the difference between having a full life and having a life that is simply full 
• asking “if I say yes, what am I saying no to” to protect time and money 
• learning that rest is allowed and blank space is not a problem to solve 
• a calendar reality check to see what truly matters versus what is habit 

Anybody out there that needs a baby kitty, email me at marcybackusmedia.com if you're in Southern California. 

Transcript

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Retirement Is Shockingly Packed

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello, and welcome to Aging A for Sissies. My name is Marcy, and I am your host. Hello everyone, welcome back to Aging A for Sissies, and I am Marcy, and today I have a question for all my fellow retirees. How did we ever have time to work? Seriously, I thought retirement was going to involve leisurely mornings, spontaneous lunches, maybe a little travel, and lots of moments where I'd look around and think, what should I do today?

unknown 0:35

Ha!

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Well, apparently retirement is a full-time job with no salary, no HR department, and absolutely no paid vacations. But again, I'll take it. Some mornings I look at my calendar and I think, who scheduled all this? And today is one of those days. Oh, I did it. I scheduled it. So today we're talking about something nobody really warned me about. Retirement can be ridiculously busy. And in all the best ways, though, I have to be honest. And maybe not so best ways. Doctor appointments take up a chunk, but you know, at least I'm here to have. Um, sorry, got a little bleep there. Um, at least I'm here to have these appointments. So today we're talking about something nobody really warned me about. Retirement can be ridiculously busy. And more importantly, maybe the goal of retirement isn't having nothing to do. Maybe it's finally deciding what is actually worth doing.

A Real Day In My Calendar

SPEAKER_00 1:41

All right. Let's see, this week, a couple cardiologists' appointment for me. All is good. Today is one of those days that I have I'm doing my podcast in the morning, and we're having a very moody thunder, lightning, rainy morning here in Chicago. Finally got Craig out the door. I was able to record one of my podcasts while he was in showering after his run. Yes, after his stroke, he is now running again inside on the treadmill at a more manageable pace, but he is doing it. I'm really proud of him for that. And um let's see, this so I've got podcast, three podcasts to do today. I have my workout that I have to do. I cannot not do that. And that's a big part of my retirement and what keeps me busy. Um what else? Let's see, I have that. Then I have to get home and we have, I'll get home from that, jump on a bus, head down to our lawyers. We have an appointment with our lawyer today. Then I have an appointment at church to help the gentleman that I have turned over my pledge duties to, my pledge drive duties. I turned it over, but I'm always helpful. Don't want to leave him in the lurch. So we have a meeting with the office administration at the cathedral at three o'clock. And then Craig has an MRI tonight. Get this at 7:30 p.m. So it is a much busier day than I'm used to, but it goes right along with this week's theme of what happened to like leisurely retirements. And is it really a bad thing that retirement can be super busy? So again, you know, my week has been great. We had a nice slow weekend this weekend, which I really savored and enjoyed.

Health Routines And Eating Less

SPEAKER_00 3:40

And it was really nice. Doing a little bit more cooking again. I had kind of backed off on cooking and um realized Craig and I were both not eating great. Neither one of us are eating a lot. He's on Ozempic, I'm on Wagovi. Um I've been on uh a GLP one for years now. It's how I got rid of my 50 pounds, and then I got to take one of those lovely estrogen blocking pills that threw me up about 13 pounds, and now I've got all that off. I'm actually down 14 pounds. So neither one of us eat a ton anymore, and we've been trying to navigate those waters and figure out what that looks like. And what it really looks like is one good meal a day. I do a protein bar in the morning. That's the only thing I can eat before I go to the gym. I don't know about everybody does all these protein shakes and stuff. I can't do that. And usually we'll have our larger meal midday when I'm cooking. And um, and then in the evening, we both last night I think he had a couple of pretzels and some cheese. I had a couple of pretzels. I know, isn't that weird? But it's the way it is. And and uh I try to have some yogurt at night with some protein granola. I try to make sure no matter what I'm eating, it has protein in it. It's not easy, but protein's super important, and we've talked about that. But, you know, we're getting ready for our France trip in the beginning of October, and it made me think about as I'm getting ready for this, I've been thinking about time even more because travel is

Travel Planning Turns Into Work

SPEAKER_00 5:20

one of those things I really want to make room for. Um, and I do travel a lot, as you all know. But um, somehow even getting ready to go on vacation becomes a full-time occupation. You can't do anything anymore without reservations. You can't go to a museum, you can't go to a theme park, you can't get on a train, you can't do anything without reservations. And if you think you can, you can't, especially in big cities like Paris and Chicago. You need, you know, you need tickets ahead of time. So you're trying to figure out what you want to do and when you want to do it. So um we half our vacation is on our own and half is with the tour. So we're figuring out obviously our piece of it. I had been told by many people that the Dior Museum, the Christian Dior Museum, is a no miss. That is a newer museum and it can't be missed. So I did get my tickets for that. It sold out a ton. I was able to get them on the day and the time I needed, and that was by the luck of the draw. I have my reservations for Disneyland. I figured out how to get from Disney, from the airport out to Disney Paris for the two days we're out there. I figured out how to get from Disney Paris into Paris. Meeting with our tour. We have our tickets now. We end our tours down in Nice with a quick little trip over to Monaco in there. And we got our train tickets on the rapid train from Nice back to Paris. And we sprung for the first class ones because I'm looking at it as part of the trip. But all of this is work. That's to say, as I've rambled on about my trip, apparently have to work really hard to relax, which brings me perfectly to today's topic.

The Productivity Mindset And Guilt

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Nobody warned me that I would retire from my job and immediately become the unpaid executive director of my own life. I think about everything we're managing. First of all, I don't know about you, but Craig manages himself way different than I do. I am ahead of things, I know what's going on. Just case in point, this morning before he left, I said, what time do you want to leave tonight? He said, for what? I said, for your MRI. Oh, I haven't gotten there yet. It's like, well, I would like to know. Like, I don't think the morning of the test, I've learned not to ask him a day before. But I'm asking the morning of, and I still get the answer I don't want. And is a point you have to be there at seven? He goes, Well, we could leave at 635. And you know what's funny? Is he will not walk out the front door until 635. If I'm ready to go at 630, he won't care. He's so weird. I don't know if you have a weirdo in your life like that, but I do. But we are now the unpaid executive director of our life. We manage doctor's appointments, exercise, family, friends. I manage both families. I manage all the friends, his and mine. Volunteer commitments. I don't volunteer anymore. Well, yes, I do. I do at church all the time. Shut up, Marcy. Yeah, I still volunteer at church. I it doesn't feel hard anymore, though. Household stuff. Travel, finances. Some of you have grandchildren. Some of you still have your parents that you're managing. Don't have either one of those. But I do have great nieces and nephews that are very dear to me in the same capacity. Managing our pets, managing our adult children. Don't think I get a uh oh, this week. I get a text from Kyle. Well, I didn't expect to find this under my car. And I thought we just had Kyle's car worked on when I was there. $4,000 worth of work to keep it going for the next 10 years. That was the goal. And I thought, what happened to the car? Nope, baby kitty. A baby frickin' kitty. And if you know anything about us, we're not gonna just leave it. So Kyle has spent all week trying to find a rescue, and no one will take this baby kitty. So anybody out there that needs a baby kitty, email me at marcybackusmedia.com if you're in Southern California. Kyle will bring you the cat. As long as you're a good person and you love animals. So, yes, now we're dealing with the baby kitty, and I get the call. So then I'm the kind of person that takes it on. It's not that my kids put it on me. It's my own problem. I get that. All right. So we have some of you have parents, we all have pets, technology that was supposedly makes our lives easier, but requires 17 passwords, a QR code, a verification code, some new pass key thing sent to my phone, and we can't find it because it goes into the trash. I don't know. There's a lot. And then there are things we actually want to do. Have a leisurely reading afternoon, a morning walk, travel, see our friends, go to a museum, take a class. I would love to take a class. That is not in my cards right now. Sit outside, do absolutely nothing, except somehow doing absolutely nothing never makes it onto the calendar. Why is that? Now, Labor Day, I had a bad day. It wasn't a great day for me. I locked myself in my bedroom. Unfortunately, I wasn't happy that day, but I did have a whole day of doing nothing and watching murders. It was great. So the great retirement myth, I think, is that we've been sold forever, is that we work hard for decades, and then one day you retire and suddenly, ah, your schedule opens up. Stress disappears, you sleep late, you leisurely sip your coffee, and every day feels like Saturday. Except for here's the problem. Saturday used to be crammed with everything we did, we needed to do because we worked Monday through Friday. So if every day is Saturday, we've created a problem. Do you see it? Do you see it now? We're still cramming things in. And I think some of us bring our old productivity mindset right into retirement. I did. We spent decades measuring our days by what we accomplished. What did I finish? What did I produce? Who needed me? What did I check off that list? I can't believe I still have a to-do list. And then retirement comes along and says, you don't have to do that anymore. And instead of saying wonderful, we say, okay, but what should I be doing? Why do we feel guilty? This is the part I find fascinating. And we've talked about it on other podcasts of mine. This isn't a new subject. I'm just trying to look at it in a different way. Why can sitting down at two o'clock in the afternoon feel vaguely illegal? And let me tell you something funny. Patrick expects me to lay down on the couch at two o'clock every day so he can lay on me for about approximately an hour. And I do it because it makes me not do anything. I really should get something done. That's what we think. What? What? Do you hear the screeching breaks there? You really should get something done. You're retired. What exactly is the emergency? Sometimes I think we have to learn how to retire. We spent decades learning how to work. Maybe we need to spend, let's not hopefully into decades, but let's learn some time on how to retire. Retirement asks us to learn an entirely different skill. How do I use my time because I want to, not simply because somebody needs something from me? That's harder than it sounds. Busyness creeps up. Here's another thing I've noticed. Nature hates a vacuum. Apparently, calendars do too. You retire and suddenly people discover you're available. Could you help with this? Now I don't have so much of this in my life, but I know some of you whose kids live near you, you've got grandkids. Could you help with this? Could you serve on this committee? Could you watch the kids? Could you take care of this? Could you volunteer? I've had some of that. And a lot of those things are wonderful. I volunteer, I love being involved. I love my family. I love having things gone. I'm not advocating that we all move into recliners and stop answering the phone. I'm certainly not, because to be honest with you, I think when you completely stop, that's when dementia creeps up. You, I'm no medical expert, but I think there's a lot to be said for finding a balance.

Full Life Versus Simply Full

SPEAKER_00 14:20

So that's kind of what we're talking about today. There's a difference between having a full life and having a life that's simply full. That's a big difference. Having a full life. I absolutely have a full life. My life is not just simply full. And that's what I want for you. It's a big difference. I think a lot of us reach retirement having spent years being the person who says yes. And remember, yes, I'll help. Yes, I'll organize, yes, I'll figure it out, yes, I'll take care of that. And there's something nice about being needed. We all want to be needed. I'm sorry if you don't that you're uh you're rare. Craig is that way. Let's admit that. Being useful feels good. But one of the questions I'm learning to ask myself now, if I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? Because time is finite. Retirement doesn't match magically give us 38 hours a day. If I say yes to something I don't really want to do, maybe I'm saying no to a lunch with a friend. Maybe I'm saying no to exercise. Maybe I'm saying no to travel. Maybe I'm saying no to sitting on my deck doing absolutely nothing. And saying yes to something could mean buying something. This is something I'm working really hard on. I don't want to buy stuff anymore. I don't need stuff anymore. I, as you guys have heard me on Daziam, I'm trying and I'm doing really good right now at that because I want to travel. And for me, if I say yes to the close, I'm gonna end up saying no to travel because there's not enough money for everything. So that's what I'm kind to get at. It's not just and remember, no is a complete sentence. And I want to remind you that doing absolutely nothing is allowed. You can guarantee at two o'clock I'm doing nothing. Because I'm on the couch with Patrick every day. Doing absolutely nothing is allowed. I checked. I checked. You know me, I always check with the boss. I'm trying to stop treating every blank space on my calendar like a problem that needs solving. A blank afternoon isn't an opening, it's an afternoon. That's revolutionary for someone like me. I'm also trying to distinguish between I should and I want to. I should go, I should volunteer, I should help, I should accept the invitation. Okay, but do I want to? Obviously, life still has obligations. We're adults. And I think a lot of you have noticed that doctors' appointments gear up after 60. I think that's something shocking for Craig because he really has just had his regular appointments and with the stroke. And he's doing great, by the way. He's totally back to normal. Fortunately and fortunately, it didn't change in one solitary single iota. He is still the Craig we all know and love. But doctor's appointments rule more of his day, therapy appointments, things like that. Nobody wants to get a colonoscopy. There are things we do because we need to. But retirement gives us more freedom to question the optional stuff. And I think we should use it. Here's something else I'm working on. I don't have to earn rest. That's a weird one. For years, rest came after work. You felt like you had to earn it. Get go, go, go, go, go, go. Now I can rest. Finish everything and then I can sit down. Clean the house and then I can relax. Get through the week and I can enjoy myself. But here's the problem: everything is never finished. There's always another email, another drawer, another errand, another disappointment, another disappointment too, another thing somebody needs. If we wait until it's all done, we will never enjoy life. Here's a little exercise I've started thinking about. Look at your calendar from the last month. Not what you say matters to you. Look at where your time actually went. How much of it made you happy? How much of it was necessary? And how much was habit. Make it a chart pie chart in your head. And how much of it made you think, why the hell did I agree to this? That's useful information because our calendars tell the truth. We can say family matters, friendship matters, health matters, adventure matters, rest matters, but none of those things have any space on our calendars. Maybe we need to make some changes. And I think this becomes more important as we get older. Time is the only resource we're managing anymore. Energy matters too. I'm sorry, time isn't the only thing, is what I meant to say. Energy. We have to manage energy and time. I can actually fix six things, fit six things into a day. That doesn't mean I should fit six things into a day. And I think that's another adjustment. Today is a weird day for me. I don't usually do this. It's just things all had to get done today. And I'm happy to do them. I love doing my podcasts, got to get that done. I could skip the gym today. I don't want to. It makes me happy and it makes me feel good. My podcasts make me feel good. I'm going to get those done today. Our lawyer appointment is something that Craig has been putting off for quite some time. And today was the day they had time for us. So I fit it in. Somebody needs my help at three o'clock. You bet I'm going to be there. And then I got nothing to do until we leave for Craig's appointment. So there is time for me to relax today. Patrick will miss his two o'clock. Well, he may not. I'm be home at two o'clock, so he'll have that. What can I realistically do and still feel good? Think about that. That's a very different question than how much can I cram in my day? And you're not alone. If you've retired and somehow become busier than you were when you worked, you're not doing retirement wrong. If you occasionally fantasize about canceling everything on your calendar, you're not antisocial. If you've ever said, I can't, I'm too busy, and then suddenly remembered you're retired, welcome to the club. Maybe the goal isn't to create an empty life. It is not. It's an intentional life. And that's what today the big honing in on the biggest part of this is I just want you to have an intentional life. If doing

One Simple Calendar Challenge

SPEAKER_00 20:50

all this does truly make you happy, then do it. But allow yourself an unproductive afternoon and not feel bad. I'm going to give you a survival challenge this week, as I usually do. Here's your challenge. I want you to find one thing on your calendar that you're doing purely because you think you should. Just one. I want you to ask yourself, do I really want to do this? And if the answer is yes, great, leave it on your calendar. But if it's no, take it off your calendar. Get it off. It doesn't have a place there. And don't replace it with anything else. Leave the space there. See what happens. Maybe you'll read. Maybe you'll walk. Maybe you'll call somebody. Maybe you'll sit there with a crisp Diet Coke and stare out the window. That counts. And before I go, if you're enjoying Aging A for Sizsies, I've apparently decided one podcast isn't enough, as you know. I have Inside Marcy's mind, and this week we're talking about when everything became a project. We've talked about similarities to this. I I don't know why I need to scan a QR code every time I want to watch TV. It's starting to annoy me. And on Umbottled, we talked about we talk honestly about sobriety and recovering from this perspective of somebody who's 38 years sober and what sobriety kind of looks like now. Three podcasts? Yep, because apparently I misunderstood today's entire lesson about not overscheduling myself. That's me. Here's what I want to leave you with today. Retirement isn't supposed to be empty, but it doesn't have to be packed either. You worked a long time, you worked hard to get some ownership over your time. So what I'm telling you is to own it. Fill some of it with people, fill some of it with adventures, fill some with purpose. And please leave a little bit empty. You may need to just sit and listen to a podcast for an afternoon, hint hint. You don't have to justify it, you don't have to earn it, and you certainly don't have to apologize for it. I am marking this as 80 participants because apparently, even the last week takes it back to our topic next to you.