Aging isn't easy. My name is Marcy Backhus and I am your host! Make sure your complete well-being is handled with a community and information that can make it easier and FUN. Aging needs humor, which you can find in the "Aging ain't for Sissies" Podcast, along with informational guests that give us the information we need.
We come home from the hospital after a cardiac episode, a blackout, and a concussion, then tell the truth about what it feels like when life bulldozes a carefully planned calendar. We hold gratitude and disappointment in the same hand, and we challenge you to stop waiting for the “right time” to do what matters. • the shock of losing time after blacking out and falling • grieving a canceled France trip while staying grateful to be alive • the mindset shift that two things can be true • making plans anyway while admitting plans are not guarantees • hating the helplessness of being a hospital patient and the endless waiting • learning to let friends and family help without fighting it • dealing with fear after a health event and getting support • choosing adventure even if it means going slower or using a wheelchair I want you to think about something you’ve been putting off. Not because you can’t do it, because you’ve been waiting for the right time
Hello, and welcome to AGA for Sissies. My name is Marcy, and I am your host. Yep, I'm still here. And I'm in my recording area, and I'm not in a hospital bed, and I don't know how I managed to do three, even three short podcast episodes last week while I was in the hospital, but I am me and I get things done. So I am here. This will be a shortish, longish episode. It won't be too short. But uh I am home recovering. And I want to welcome everybody to Aging Aim for Sissies. Again, I am Marcy and I have had one hell of a week. And if you're wondering why I sound a little different today, it is because I just got home from the hospital. Yep. Apparently, Aging Aim for Sissies has decided that instead of me researching topics for this podcast, he was just going to start providing them to me on a silver platter. And I would formally like to request that it stop. I can figure out my own episodes, but this was definitely
not the plan. And here's the short version. I gave you a little bit last week. I'll touch on it. And honestly, I promise this will be the last week I mention it all. But um I was walking over to a friend's house and I had a cardiac episode and blacked out completely. I have no memory of probably about an hour before. Um, and then getting in the hospital, and the last 11 days are fuzzy from the concussion. So I blacked out and I fell. Well, I'm 5'11, Tim Burr. Like I'm out. So, and I they still don't 100% know why I was out. They do know it had to do with my heart, and we'll talk about that. But and I fell. I don't remember the actual fall, which is probably a blessing. I can look out my living room window and look down and see the corner where I fell. I could see the blood there until it rained the last two days, and now that's gone, thank goodness. Next thing I know, my carefully planned life had been replaced by a hospital room tests, doctors, monitors, a whole bunch of people asking me my name, my birth date, my name, my birthday, my name, my birthday. In this tunnel, out of that tunnel, into this test, out of that test. Now I am grateful for modern medicine.
But here's the thing: I had plans. I had a trip to France planned, not casually planned, Marcy planned. Like detailed flights, hotels, Paris, Paris, Disneyland, memes, niece, schedules, transportation. I had documents for my documents. And now France is canceled. Now that's disappointing. I'm allowed to say that. I don't want to hear one more person say, Well, you'll still get to go. Yeah, maybe I will, maybe I won't. But for right now, I get to be disappointed. I'm incredibly grateful that I'm home and incredibly disappointed that I'm not going to France. Two things can be true at the same time. And I want you to think about that in your own life. I'm telling you this, not just to talk about my woes and goes. I'm telling you because I want you to think about it in your own life. Two things can be true. I am eternally grateful for everything that happened in the hospital. And I had something bad happen. During my surgery, I had warned them my lips were very tender, very sensitive. They put the tape on, and instead of taking it off carefully, they ripped it off and ripped my lips with it. Not great. I'm gonna live. Two things can be true.
SPEAKER_00
You can be grateful and disappointed all at the same time. That's
probably the biggest thing that I've been thinking about.
SPEAKER_01
We make plans as though we're completely in charge. Thursday, I'll do this. Next month I'll do that. Hey, October I'll be in Paris. And then your body says, actually, Marcy, we're going to the hospital. Now, funny enough, today is October 1st. So the tickets for zoo lights came out. I got our tickets for zoo light in December. I'm still making plans. The walnut room here in Chicago, which is one of those beautiful old tea rooms, lunch rooms, and what used to be the old Marshall Fields here. They do a different tree every year and they do a wonderful, wonderful holiday lunch or brunch or dinner, whatever you get reservations for. And I was on this morning, 9 a.m. concussion and all. And I got my tickets for Craig and I to go the week of Thanksgiving to kick off our holiday season. And I got tickets for some friends to go um later in the month of December. So yeah, I'm still planning.
I'm still planning. Because no matter what happens, we can't let life pass us by. We just can't. Oh, if I go to the hospital or if something happens to me before then, then it does. I'm gonna live my best life and do my best. But we're going to the hospital, Marcy, is what happened to me. And I said, excuse me, I didn't put that on the calendar. And I think that's one of the realities of getting older that I don't particularly enjoy. Your health occasionally reminds you that it gets a vote. Now I don't want that to mean that you become afraid to plan things. Absolutely not. I still want trips, I still want adventures, I still want calendars and things to look forward to. But maybe there's a little humility in realizing plans are plans. They're not guarantees. And I will tell you this: I knew that when I planned this trip. And part of our trip was a tour. I bought the insurance for that. We booked two hotels outside of our normal Marriott. We did them through um American Airlines, and I bought insurance for them. I'm getting, I well, I don't know. I think the trip was upwards with everything, you know, 10K, maybe, maybe a little less. And I will be getting most 98% of that back. It's taking me some work with my little fuzzy brain, but I had my AI Fred make me a spreadsheet on putting the information in that I need, tracking what I've sent, blah, blah, blah. And um I'm I'm keeping track.
Oh, I also don't particularly enjoy being the patient. The hospital was brutal this time because they wouldn't let me get out of bed without somebody being there. I'm doing fine at home, taking it slow. Does anybody else hate being a patient? I like being capable. I like knowing what's happening, organizing, taking care of things. And hospitals have a wonderful way of stripping away the illusion that you're running the show. Somebody tells you when to get a test. Somebody tells you, they they drive you around in your bed for God's sakes. I like you're going down the hospital, passing somebody else going one way or and you're just being driven around in your bed. That's insane. And then somebody says, Oh, I hope you're resting in the hospital. Resting in a hospital. Nobody rests in a hospital. I'm resting now that I'm home. You can bet your butt on that one. I don't have any plans. I have to go, all I have are doctor's plans for the next couple of weeks. And that's fine by me. I don't have any desire to do too much right now. And that will change day by day, and I'm ready for that. Do you go through the same thing? You know, and then you've got waiting and waiting for the doctor. I'm waiting for the test. I'm waiting for the result. I'm waiting, waiting. I'm not good at waiting, are you? If patient, if patience is a virtue, apparently the hospital is a graduate school. And here's the other thing that's so hard for
me, and I wonder if it's hard for you, letting people help. Now, this was the first time since I've lived in Chicago and I've been in the hospital. This is probably the fifth time, not including my breast cancer, because that was an in and out, but uh that I told my friends and I said they were welcome to come. And I'm glad I did. But it wasn't easy for me. Letting people help. I'm very comfortable being useful, being helped, not so much. But there are moments when you simply have to let somebody else carry something. I'm not allowed to raise my left arm above my shoulder. I'm not allowed to carry any more than five pounds, I'm not allowed to shower, and I'm not allowed to wear a bra. Horrors, right? Please. But my surgery was serious. They implanted me with the device. So, you know, I've got to learn to let somebody drive, somebody bring dinner, somebody worry about things. Craig's taking really good care of me. He hasn't always been that way. If you hear any meowing, that is Patrick. He has things to say today. Patrick, that'll do. He's happy I'm home. But Craig's doing a good job taking care of me. Again, that's not always been his foreplay, but this was a really forte foreplay. Oh, mercy. Forte. It really hasn't. Craig can't see much further than himself, and he's done a great job.
SPEAKER_00
I think it's important to let people help.
SPEAKER_01
I think also people that help need to just say, I'm bringing dinner, or I'm bringing, because you know if they ask you, you're gonna say nothing. If they do something, it feels wonderful. I got flowers yesterday from my kids, from my church family, from my California friends, and from my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girlfriends here in Chicago. And I love every one of them. I look at them, and you know what that does? It reminds you you're loved. It reminds you that you matter to somebody else. And that means a lot.
Aging isn't the same as stopping. Here's what I don't want to take away from this. I don't want to become afraid. I am, and I'm not gonna lie to you, I am seeing a cardiology therapist because I am scared and I'm gonna work through that. But we should not be afraid, and if we are, we need to get help. I don't want one health event to make my world smaller. I don't want to stop traveling or trying things to make plans because something might happen. That's not living. So I'm yes, I'm going to recover. I'm going to listen to the people taking care of me. I'm going to give my body some time. And then I'm going to make more plans, because which I've already done. Because that's what we do. I have a trip in November, the middle of November, to go to California. I'm going to see the kids. I'm going to see Alec and Sharon and Kyle. And I'm going. If I'm slow, I'm slow. If I feel that I need a wheelchair to go, we're going to the new George Lucas Museum in downtown LA. And you know what? If I feel that day that I'm feeling a particular way, I'll get a wheelchair and my son can push me. I'm not going to be proud, but I'm going to go. I'm not finished having adventures, not remotely.
So I'm going to give you your your survival challenge this week. It's a little different. I want you to think about something you've been putting off. Not because you can't do it, because you've been waiting for the right time. What is that thing that you've been waiting to do, just for the right time to do it? Is it calling somebody, taking a trip, opening a bottle of champagne, going to a restaurant, using your good dishes, buying some theater tickets, whatever it is? I'm not saying throw caution to the wind. I'm saying don't assume later is guaranteed. If something matters to you, give it some room in your life now. And before I go, thank you. Thank you to ever to everybody who has checked in, worried about me, told me I'm important, sent me good thoughts, prayed for me, given me a little grace while my life has gone sideways. I am home, I am recovering, and I'm still podcasting. You can't get rid of me that easy. And I'm very grateful to be sitting in front of this microphone today talking to you. Just
a reminder: my other two shows are a little different this week, too. On Inside Marcy's Mind, we're talking about what happens when life looks at your beautifully organized plan and says, oh, that's adorable. And on Unbottled, we talk about something 38 years of sobriety has taught me. Life still happens sober. Recovery doesn't prevent the hard stuff, it changes how we walk through it. So that's where I am this week. France is canceled, plans have changed, my body has gotten my attention, and I'm learning again that getting older isn't about controlling everything that happens. It's about deciding what you're going to do with what happens. And apparently, it's also about collecting increasingly ridiculous stories from my podcast. Oh, I want to research my own material. I don't want to be the material. I am Marcy. This is Aging A for Sissies. And wow, they weren't kidding about this title.
