Aging ain't for Sissies
Aging isn't easy. Make sure your complete well-being is handled with a community and information that can make it easier and FUN. Aging needs humor, which you can find in the "Aging ain't for Sissies" Podcast, along with informational guests that give us the information we need.
Aging ain't for Sissies
Understanding Our Emotional Connection to Holidays
Ever wondered why the holiday season can be both exhilarating and overwhelming? Why do some of us feel an inexplicable sadness amidst all the merriment? As your host, I'm here to take you on a journey through my own rollercoaster of holiday emotions.
Let's talk about the elephant in the room - holiday expectations. They can weigh on us, especially for those distanced from family or entering their golden years. We pull back the curtain on the truth that 31% of the public experience a touch of melancholy during this season. But it's not all doom and gloom as we brainstorm ways to reach out to loved ones, and how to celebrate without breaking the bank. We'll delve into my own holiday plans that blend treasured traditions with a dash of the new.
In the spirit of the season, we'll also share tips on how to bring a sparkle of cheer to seniors. From meaningful conversations to shared traditions, and even the joy of finding new hobbies or podcasts, there's a lot we can do. And hey, who can resist a tree lighting ceremony or a church boutique? We'll also honor our brave veterans, exploring the history of Veterans Day and how we can show our gratitude. So, join us for a chat that promises to guide you through the holiday season with a renewed sense of understanding and warmth.
Hello and welcome to the AJ Neighbor Cissy's podcast. My name is Marcie Beckis and I am your host. On today's episode, we are going to talk about the holidays. Holidays are supposed to be happy. They're supposed to be fun. Doesn't happen for everyone. So we're going to talk a little bit about that, talk about just the goings on of the holidays in this period that starts, that's supposed to be the ultimate joy and I think there's something you'll agree with me and hopefully, some of the things don't happen in your life or my life, but everybody out there has different experiences of the holidays. So we're going to talk about that. But before we get started with that, as always, I'm going to share with you a little bit about what's been going on here in Chicago with me. So sit back, relax, grab that coffee, grab that iced tea, diet Coke or, if you're in the car, turn it up a little and we'll get started. Wow, let's see what's been going on with me Again, a week with two doctor's appointments.
Speaker 1:But the first one I want to talk about was my mammogram. So if you have not gotten your annual mammogram, please do that. That's super important. You never know what changes may be there from last year and if you're feeling confident, maybe you shouldn't, so get in there, get that done. If you haven't made that appointment, let me be the person that helps you make that appointment. Make that appointment. Don't put it off. Your insurance, no matter how crappy it is, should cover an annual mammogram for you, so that is not a reason to not get it done. So set up that annual mammogram, get it done. Got my results already and everything looks good this year, so please do that. Second thing I had done this week was EKG, but the one that's like a sonogram and that's going to my cardiologist to continue watching my heart health and I again, anything that you are supposed to be keeping track of, anything that you're supposed to be watching, please do. It's important. I think I shared with you a long time ago my insurance is the most frustrating thing on the planet. When I was in California I had Kaiser, absolutely loved it. Had a couple of blips here and there, but they do take care of everything and you don't have to. It's just a lot here and I didn't understand my insurance.
Speaker 1:First, when I moved here, made some appointments, I got my referrals. When I went to my referrals, they referred me to something else, not knowing that they had I did not know they had to go back to my doctor for my doctor to make that referral. Now my doctor is phenomenal. She'll refer me to anything. She knows that I have Ehlers-Danlos-Venius type 4, which is a very awful genetic disorder, and she is great at referring me. But if the doctors don't send the referrals, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:Well, I won my first appeal on a bunch of my referrals, so I'm feeling really good about that. But I didn't stop fighting, I didn't roll over, I didn't pay it. I knew I wasn't supposed to, I knew I did everything that I knew I can't help it if the other half is not doing what they're supposed to do. So that was my first. I've still got a few more things to go, but that gave me some hope and it should give you hope. If you have issues with insurance, don't give up. Keep calling, find the person there that'll help you. I finally put in an appeal and they didn't even have to use my appeal because when they looked at it they're like, okay, this should be this and then other things I've had. Oh well, they build that wrong, or they build it to the wrong office, or they build, it becomes a full-time job. I'm not going to lie If I wasn't retired I don't know how I would have done all of this. But you need to keep moving forward.
Speaker 1:I keep intensive records. I've got a file for everything I'm working on. You should see it. It's insane, but now that I know how my insurance works, when I went in to the, they approved me to go to the cardiology department at the University of Illinois here in Chicago. When I got there he went over everything with me. He goes. I want to request a few tests and I said I know insurance isn't your thing, but I need to tell you they have to go through my doctor and I have to go where I'm supposed to go for those. It will all get approved and sure enough this EKG. But I know St Joseph's is now my safe place. It all went through there. But my new cardiologists know and they can request the tests. It's a lot, but once you learn how everything works, then it should be easier. But when you don't, and things get messed up or just billing gets messed up even when you do, I did the right thing on several things and billing got messed up, so stick with that. So that's been a little bit of my week.
Speaker 1:Chicago is getting ready for Christmas. Things are starting to turn Christmasy. I went ahead and undecorated my fall, which is my favorite I love fall. But Craig and I are getting our kitchen new tile on the floor, new counters, and then in the bathroom we're getting what all of us at our age need a walk-in shower. We have a one bathroom condo so it has a bathtub. So now we're going to get rid of that bathtub and we're going to have a walk in shower. So we're getting all new tile encounter in there and it'll take seven to nine days. We're going to be moving out to Craig's mom's house in the summer and staying there and of course that won't be decorated or anything. It's in the process of everybody going through and taking the house apart actually. So I thought I want to enjoy my holiday Christmas decoration, so I went ahead and decorated early and put up all the lights.
Speaker 1:I am a lights fiend, love lights. Lights bring me cheer and bring me joy, and I will tell you that is one of the greatest things that Chicago has going for it. Every tree around where I live is wrapped. They will come on. Next weekend there's a parade Head up by Mickey and Minnie, and as they go down Michigan Avenue, mickey does his fabulous arm thing and lights go on as they go down. And for me, a Disney fan, that is the ultimate. Last year I was very sick, went out and did it. It was super cold that night but I did it anyways because I couldn't miss it. And then those lights stay on all the way through January because it's very dark here in the winter. So I'm excited about that because the lights will be coming on. And again, this is going to follow into part of our conversation that we're going to have today about the older people in our lives, or even maybe us, where the holidays don't bring so much joy, and how you might be able to find that joy. So that's exciting. So I got that done.
Speaker 1:This week. We took the fall decoration. I took the fall decorations down, we took them back to my husband's family home, where we have our little bit of storage, and put those away, and I pulled out everything for Christmas and brought that back, and we are now in Christmas mode here, even though it's not Thanksgiving. But as I walk the city this week I see everything is starting to change over. The leaves are now pretty much off. We had some high winds, but it's been warm. Now the funny thing is I say warm and it's been in the 50s high 40s. It's taken me a year, but my body has adjusted. In California I would have thought that was like frostbite season, but I am now into the point where, like today, it was 59. And right now I'm looking at the temperatures for 49. In the afternoon it's almost dark here and it's 54, which is exceedingly warm for November, and our temperatures are in the high 50s all week and even the low 60s. So I am enjoying every bit of that. Done a lot of walking this week, walked to the gym a couple of times, went to Michael's this week, got some crafty stuff because I want to do some crafty things. I'm feeling much more crafty and much better than I did last year.
Speaker 1:And looking, I am looking forward to the holidays. Are they going to be the same as my holidays in the past? Absolutely not. Everything for us has changed. Our kids don't live here and, as you know, one of them still is not Conversing with Craig or I, and that's fine. And our son lives in Colorado and hopefully he and his girlfriend should be coming for Christmas. But you know, things change. I have learned to be flexible. Just call me Gumby, I don't. I don't try to look at things and put them in stone anymore, because life is changing and people's lives change and things change and I need to be flexible to that. Everything doesn't stay the same, not for everyone. Some people it does, some people it stays the same.
Speaker 1:For a very long time, when Craig and I lived in California and when we lived in Oregon, my mom had Thanksgiving at her home and family would come in and Craig and I drove from California many a times for Thanksgiving weekend. And from when we lived in Portland, I loved that. I loved. I love Thanksgiving, I think almost more than Christmas, because Thanksgiving really is a reason for families to get together and I love food. So there you have it. And Christmas we like to.
Speaker 1:It was hard because we like to stay in California, because we wanted our kids to have their own Christmas traditions and if we were traveling to my mom and dad's or to Craig's parents, our kids wouldn't have the opportunity of having Christmas at home. We had a few Christmases here in Chicago when they were young. One of them, I remember we stayed in a beautiful Parker House hotel down here and we had a suite and we had a corner suite. It was beautiful and I brought a little tree and Santa came there. But you know, that's just. It's just not how I wanted Christmas, so we spent most of it just us, our family, my parents would come down sometimes. Craig's family always was in Chicago. So Now we look forward to some Chicago Christmases. This Thanksgiving we're going to spend with Craig's cousin, cousin Sue and her family, and that'll be nice. It'll be something new. It'll be something different. Cousin Sue and her husband, as well as Craig's sister, deb, and Craig and I are all going on a river cruise next Christmas, not this Christmas. We're going to do the Christmas markets, which is something that Craig and I had scheduled for 2020. And, as you can imagine, that didn't happen. So we have that to look forward to next year for the holiday something different, something new. So think about the holidays, think about what you can do. That's new and different.
Speaker 1:What else happened this week around here? I don't think anything too exciting. It's been kind of a quiet week here in Chicago, other than the great weather and getting out and doing things and walking a lot more. What made it to four of my? Well, there's only four classes that I can go to for my water aerobics. Made it to all four this week. Look forward to making it to all four next week.
Speaker 1:Again, can't tout that water aerobics enough. But I won't beat that drum and make you guys crazy anymore. I need to schedule my trip out to Arizona. I've got a couple of things on the back burner. I'm trying to wait to see what happens with those and then I will get my Arizona time scheduled. Not quite sure. Last year I left Chicago for six weeks during the winter, actually went to California, and the winter was worse there than it was here. I'm not sure what I'm going to do this year. I think I'm going to play it by ear and just see. So, with that being said, I hope you had a great week. I hope you had great weather where you are. I hope you enjoyed your week.
Speaker 1:And let's talk about the holidays. All right? Well, holidays, the holidays are coming, aren't they? And the holidays are supposed to be fun. They're supposed to be full of excitement. They're supposed to, they're supposed to, they're supposed to, they're supposed to, and I'm going to be honest with you for a lot of people the holidays are a great time and for a lot of people they're not the people that. The largest group of people that find the holidays hard and unhappy are obviously older people.
Speaker 1:Families move, families move on and sometimes people don't have the greatest relationship with their parents or their grandparents, or their parents don't have relationship with their parents, and so on and so forth. But they say that 31% of the public is depressed and doesn't feel good on the holidays and that's sad. It really is. I think part of that is expectation. I think we set such high expectations. I know for one that New Year's Eve is one of those times that years ago oh, you know, it's the thing you get all dressed up, you go out, you go to parties, you go to this and it never really lived up to it. I think I've had a few New Years that lived up to that hype, a few parties that lived up to that hype, but as a general rule it's just another night, it's a New Year starting. So I think that sometimes we put really high expectations on things.
Speaker 1:I think that families have moved. People move. If you're blessed, you've been able to stay around family and if not, you've had to move. We've moved, our kids have moved. It changes things but it changes things and I think you have to look for the good and things that change and that isn't always easy for everyone. So when families far away try to find a way, especially with Zoom and all these things, to bring people together if you can, there's financial or physical limitations are a main source. Not everybody can afford to fly to see family, not everybody can buy presents, all those things, so finances can be a big problem. So figure out the people in your life and figure out a way to do things that don't cost money or like again you Zoom instead of flying in. At least reach out and touch someone. I know that is the corniest thing because that is like an AT&T commercial from far away, days gone by way in the way back machine. But it's true. Reach out and touch the people that matter to you. Make sure that you contact them. If you've got people that are in your life elderly that you can't get to, it doesn't have to be right at Christmas time Make sure you're visiting those people.
Speaker 1:Traditions you spend a lot of time I don't know about you as a mom trying to figure out how to create traditions and I think our family has a handful and I hope that my kids find a way to let those traditions live on in their life and I'm going to be very respectful of my children as they get older. We don't all live together. If they have kids and they don't want to come, I want to go there. You know I want to be with them. I understand having kids and wanting to have traditions. I will say that if you find the holidays to be depressing or if you find them to not be as joyful as you once did, look into finding things that that you can do that will bring joy to your life. Our church in California always went caroling to the senior homes. I love doing that. Our kids love doing that. If I was there, I would still be doing that. There is so much around the cities. There are food drives. There are things that you can do to give to others. Instead of looking in and what can be done for me, look outward and what you can do for others. Try to find those things.
Speaker 1:If you are losing your traditions, craig and I are starting new ones here. We went to Zoo Lights last year. We're members of the zoo here, even though it's a free zoo. We support the zoo. We're going to Zoo Lights again. I've added on the Morton Arboretum. We're going to their illumination and Craig's sister is going to go to that with us.
Speaker 1:Last year Craig's sister came over after we had the Big Family Celebration at his one sister, ann's house, and the next day is Christmas Day. So Deb came here, we ate out, we played games, we had snacks here. It was super fun and I hope we do that again this year. If it works out, great. If it doesn't work out, I understand that too. I did see we have a long family tradition of Chinese food Christmas Eve and in no matter where we lived whether it was Texas we've always had a tradition of that, and Craig and I were just reading an article Things to Do and Chinatown Christmas Eve is hopping with everybody eating there because all the other restaurants are closed. So we're going to look into that. Maybe we'll make reservations at a restaurant in Chinatown for Christmas Day, because Christmas Eve will now be with Craig's family and that's awesome and I look forward to that and all the kids and it's just a. It's just great being a part of it. So find something you can be a part of All right.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about how to help seniors, our actual seniors, our folks that are maybe not in their home anymore. How to deal with it, how to help them deal with it. Make yourself available to the seniors in your life. Again, it doesn't have to be right on Christmas, but get something around it. If you can take them out Christmas shopping, if you can help them make their Christmas cards that they can't send out because they can't write anymore, try to find those things. And if you don't have someone in your life, go to a senior center. See if there's people that need someone to call on them for Christmas. Again, it doesn't have to be Christmas Day. Talk honestly.
Speaker 1:During a time when joy and cheer are the norm, no one wants to feel like they're putting a damper on the enjoyment of others. At the same time, you have to be honest and express your feelings. If you're feeling lonely, let people know you're feeling lonely. We were so blessed this year to be invited to a friend's house for Thanksgiving, as well as a family member. That was so wonderful to know that. People know Craig and I are here and they reached out to us.
Speaker 1:I think reaching out to others not assuming that they have something to do, not assuming anything. Again, talk honestly. Consider other people's needs. Think about what others may be needing for the holidays. Again, like I said, maybe it's just that grandma really loves to send a card to the kids and can't do it anymore. Helper, address envelopes Even if you're not there to address envelopes, put stamps on them and send them. So grandma just has to sign the card, maybe put her little five bucks in and send it off to the kids. Help them out, figure out how to do that.
Speaker 1:Celebrate their traditions. You know, if you're living in a building, if somebody else is celebrating something else and they invite you, go Check on your neighbors. If you have elderly neighbors, do they want a Christmas tree? Don't assume they don't just because they're old. Maybe when you get your Christmas tree, get to check on your neighbors. If you have people living near you, you can get a Christmas tree. If you have people living near you that you know that are older, that are maybe homebound or you know they don't get out much, find out what they may need in this holiday time. And they don't. People don't want a lot, you know, a little companionship, maybe a walk down to Starbucks and get a Christmas cookie and a coffee. I don't know that people want so much as human interaction.
Speaker 1:Start something new for yourself. If this is a problem for you, start something new. Craig and I are trying new things. We're starting new things. I'm trying not to be afraid. This year I am.
Speaker 1:I went up in a little tiny capsule to the top of the St Louis Arch. I never would have done that before. I went across a suspension bridge. I'm telling you now, not my thing, I did it no fear. I just am going into life with no fear. I what else did I do this? Oh, I ride the trains here all the time and they go underground. I have severe costophobia for that and I've overcome it. I just do it, I just go. I take the trains here by myself, I go with Craig, I, I forge myself out into the world.
Speaker 1:So when we're thinking about loneliness, it comes in all different kinds of ways and there's all different kinds of ways to fight it. There are things you can do Listen, listen to podcasts. You know, if you're lonely, find podcasts in your in subjects that you enjoy. There's a billion podcasts out there. Listen to them and then tell people to listen to mine. But you can find find a new craft, find a new hobby. I just broke out. My old hobby of a friend gave me an embroidery machine and I love it and the first year I was here I haven't used it. I've started using it again. I got a few things tucked away and I'm going to do a few Christmas presents with it. I don't like doing things for money because they do mess up sometimes and I don't want to mess up somebody's item, but I love doing my own stuff.
Speaker 1:If you're the lonely one, reach out and talk to people. Don't just expect people to come to you and know you're lonely. People may not know that I I actually this time. I have been invited by the ladies in my water or Robus class many times to come up for coffee and I haven't gone this last weekend I went and enjoyed myself. I sat and talked to these women Very interesting conversations and I totally loved it. I was very lonely here in the city for a very long time. I'm starting to reach out now myself and become a part of the community. Nobody knew I was lonely. Nobody, even those ladies didn't even know I moved here just recently. But now they do so again.
Speaker 1:As the holidays come up, it's not a time to look inward, it's a time to look outward. So look outward and see if there's somebody that's struggling. There's somebody, and you know what. If you don't like the holidays and if they're just not your thing, that's fine, I get that. Do what makes you happy. But if you do love the holidays and you feel lonely, and if you're capable, get out to a tree lighting ceremony. Go out to the parade down Michigan Avenue that's going to look like a tree. Get down Michigan Avenue that's going to light up the city. Find something that's happening in your neighborhood. Go to a boutique put on by a church. They put on boutiques all the time. They're so fun. To go to Handmade items, little things that you can get. Find a way to find your joy If it's cooking. Make Christmas cookies and take them.
Speaker 1:I've decided, because sweets are my problem and I'm doing so. Well, I'm going to still make some things. I'm taking them down to the doorman. They can share them with all the maintenance people and everybody in the office. I'm not going to stop doing some fun holiday treats, but I'm going to share them. So they're not in here to tempt me. So that's what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1:Hopefully you found this helpful. Hopefully, if you are stuck, if you are feeling alone, you can reach out to someone. If you're incapable of reaching out, I sure hope someone reaches into you. Look at your community, look at the people around you, look at the people in your life and outside of your life and make sure that during this holiday season they are taken care of. Thanks for listening and hold on for that senior moment. Bay Forest is a true mountain.
Speaker 1:Well, as you know, this last week we celebrated Veterans Day and I'm going to give you 10 facts that you never maybe you never knew about Veterans Day. So the first one is it was originally called Armistice Day. There is no apostrophe in Veterans Day. That's for my people out there that get all weirded out about apostrophes. Veterans Day hasn't always been celebrated on November 11th. Let's see, this bill was signed the 4th day of October, but many states didn't approve of it. President Gerald Ford returned Veterans Day to November 11th. So there was, it could float, and then they put it to November 11th. Arlington National Cemetery holds an annual service. The New York City Parade is the oldest Veterans Parade in the country. It was first held in 1919. Alabama held the first known Veterans Celebration in 1947.
Speaker 1:Other countries also honor their Veterans. Canada, australia, honor their country's military personnel on November 11th, but it's called Remembrance Day. Veterans Day Moment of Silence Act was passed in 2016. It's at 2.11 pm Eastern time each Veterans Day. The current president will order a moment of silent lasting two minutes. Americans honor Veterans on many other holidays. There's Medal of Honor Day on March 25th, vietnam Veterans Day on March 29th, former POW recognition day on April 9th. Armed Forces Day on May 20th. Women's Veteran Day as June 12th. Korean War Veterans Armistice Day as July 27th, purple Heart Day on August 7th and Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day on December 7th. And millions of Americans have served 16 million Americans served in World War II. In 2022, just over 167,000 of them were still alive. So I hope you honored your Veteran this week and remember what I always say AG Name for Sissies.
