Aging ain't for Sissies
Aging isn't easy. My name is Marcy Backhus and I am your host! Make sure your complete well-being is handled with a community and information that can make it easier and FUN. Aging needs humor, which you can find in the "Aging ain't for Sissies" Podcast, along with informational guests that give us the information we need.
Aging ain't for Sissies
The Invisible Woman Fights Back: Breaking Free from Ageism
What happens when the world tells us our purpose has an expiration date? After decades of defining ourselves as parents, employees, volunteers, and caretakers, society quietly expects us to fade into obscurity once we reach a certain age. But what if we're not done evolving?
Fighting against the subtle and sometimes blatant effects of ageism requires recognizing its impact on our self-perception. When doctors speak louder, job applications disappear into voids, and our suggestions get dismissed, we begin questioning our value. As I navigate my own cancer journey—currently halfway through radiation treatments with more chemotherapy on the horizon—I've come to realize something profound: purpose doesn't retire, it transforms.
The most liberating truth about this stage of life is that we finally get to choose who needs us rather than having our purpose prescribed by others. Whether that means mentoring younger generations, creating art that's been simmering in your soul for decades, volunteering for causes that spark your passion, or simply enjoying unscheduled time without guilt—you're not retired from being YOU. Your wisdom, experience, and unique perspective remain invaluable in a world that too often prioritizes youth over substance. The question isn't "who am I without my former roles?" but rather "what do I want to be next?" Join me in rejecting invisibility and embracing this next chapter with intention, sass, and authenticity. What will you choose to write in your next chapter?
Hello and welcome back to Aging Aimed for Sissies, the podcast for the bold, the brave and the beautifully seasoned. I am your host, marci Backus, and if you're wondering why I sound a little fired up today, it's because we're talking about a big old elephant in the room ageism, and more specifically, the kind that messes with your sense of purpose. I think this is a really important topic and before we get into it, catch up on a little bit of life, just a reminder. I have two podcasts. I have Aging A for Sissies, which is what you're listening to, and there's another podcast, inside Marcy's Mind, and that one has a little bit more of tidbits on life. This week's episode on Inside Marcy's Mind is all about sunscreens, the do's, the don'ts, the good chemicals, the bad chemicals, and I give you a few ideas of ones that are safe to use for the environment and for you. So catch that.
Speaker 1:On Inside Marci's Mind, and today, on Aging Ape for Sissies, we are going to talk about ageism. I'll give you a quick update on me. For those of you that know, I'm going through cancer treatment for breast cancer, head surgery in January I've done 12 weeks of chemotherapy. I am now doing I don't know a billion days of radiation. I'm halfway through radiation, so I think I've done 12 episodes or 12 sessions. Excuse me, I got 12 more to go and then on July 17th I will start chemotherapy again for another 12 weeks. So yay me, but feeling good, doing good.
Speaker 1:Key is keep moving. Stay positive as best you can. Everybody's journey is different. This is my journey. I try to stay positive in life in general. It's not always easy, but that is my goal.
Speaker 1:So let's see, here we are going to talk about ageism and especially messing with your sense of purpose. You know the kind I mean, that creeping feeling that once you hit a certain age the world just wants us to disappear. Go quietly, knit something. Stop having opinions, stop having fun. Don't have a life, I don't know. Don't work. God forbid, spoiler. It's not happening, we're not going quietly. My generation we got a lot more life left in us than I think past generations. You know, I tried knitting once. I gave up halfway through a scarf and turned it into a potholder. So just don't test me, just don't. Oh, okay, let's get honest.
Speaker 1:Somewhere around midlife or post-career, post-kids post all the chaos. We hit a very weird stage. Kids host all the chaos. We hit a very weird stage. You wake up and think wait, what am I even supposed to be doing now? If it hasn't hit you, it's going to, and if it never does, you're lucky.
Speaker 1:But I think for a lot of us, if we stop working, what's our purpose? And trying to find our purpose when the world is telling us you don't need a purpose anymore, just go away quietly? When we were young, people asked us all the time what do you want to be when you grow up? Well, I am here to tell you I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Nobody ever asked us what do you want to be after you've already been everything? Think about that. Nobody ever asks what do you want to be after you've already been everything?
Speaker 1:So for me, I retired when we moved here. I had worked for the city of Irvine for 10 years and before that I was a chronic volunteer and a mom, very busy, got a great job, moved my way up, loved my job. I only quit my job because we moved, otherwise I think I'd still be doing it. Had to find that purpose what to do after I've already done everything. Yeah, hmm, I mean, come on, I was a parent, a spouse, an employee, a volunteer, a master multitasker, a holiday meal magician, a keeper of secrets and a finder of everything in the junk drawer. And the finder of everything. To be honest, I've done things, I've been things and now the world wants to pat me on the head and tell me to enjoy my golden years.
Speaker 1:My mom years ago told me I don't know who coined the phrase golden years, but she says they're not and they suck. Every time you answer the phone it seems like somebody has died and that's really sad. Golden years are more like brass and ibuprofen oh God. And then oh god. And then ageism kicks in, subtle, sometimes blatant. Other times you go to a doctor and they talk slower, they talk louder. You apply for a job and no one calls you back. You suggest something in a group meeting and they look at you like you suggested disco make a comeback. Okay, but disco was fun and I really love disco and it would be okay with me if disco makes a comeback.
Speaker 1:But let's be real, have you sensed any of these things in your life? Have you had? You know, it's kind of funny. I get treatment like that and then at times when I could use a little compassion for being older or I need a seat on the bus. You know, going through radiation takes a lot out of you. I don't get it, and then, when I get it, it irritates me. So there is that too.
Speaker 1:So what ageism does? Beyond the annoying stereotypes and the patronizing smiles, it starts messing with how we see ourselves. We start to ask am I still needed? That's a big one. Am I still needed? Am I still useful? What's my purpose now, when I'm not the one packing lunches, running board meetings and wiping noses? Let me tell you something right now you are needed. We are needed, yes, we are needed, and I want that to really sink in.
Speaker 1:If you're in any of those feelings and we all have feelings and, as I've told my husband my entire life, feelings are not right or wrong. Feelings are feelings. If you're in those feelings, if you are feeling lost, if you are feeling useless, if you are feeling that, let me decide who needs you and how. Let that sink in. You now get to choose. When we got married, when we became a mom, all of our who needs you was laid out for us. Now. Is it a kitten in a shelter? Is it birds eggs up on the coast that need to be guarded? Is it turtle eggs that need little turtles that need help out into the wild? I go for animal things. Is it an art museum that needs an experienced docent to walk people around? We're going to have a great architectural docent on our cruise today. There are places and things that need you.
Speaker 1:We spent decades answering to everyone else. Now maybe it's time to answer to ourselves, and that's not selfish, it's sacred. Maybe your purpose now is mentoring someone. Maybe it's finally writing that book that you've had in your head for 10 years. Maybe it's doing two podcasts, not one, or learning to paint, or teaching people how to do something you've mastered. Or maybe it's just about being selfish and enjoying your time without guilt, without hustle and without apology.
Speaker 1:I have a really great life now. I work out every day. I have a group of friends that I work out with and we spend time with. After. On Tuesday, mary and I, after the gym and after coffee, we walked through the farmer's market together. These are gifts. This is how I choose to spend my time. I travel, I go and see my children. I have my children here. You know, purpose doesn't have to be flashy, we think if we're not out there building nonprofits or going viral on TikTok. We're not doing enough. But please, I didn't even know how to spell TikTok. Is it with a C or a K? I have no idea. I'm still not sure. I do enjoy watching videos on TikTok, though I will say and I'm also unapologetic for that too don't.
Speaker 1:This next chapter you get to write. It's your chapter. Ageism be damned. If you want a job, go out there and get one. Convince them why they need you. If you don't want to work anymore, don't, and don't feel guilty for it, even if the money would be nice. Find a way to work your budget, craig and I. Craig's going to work another year. I think his contract's up a year from November. At that point we're going to fully retire. I told them, six months from now we're going to sit down and we're going to create our next plan. I don't know about you, but Craig and I have kind of flown by the seat of our pants Not a lot of planning in her life. We kind of reacted to what happened to us or what came our way. This next chapter I want to plan.
Speaker 1:I want to share you something that somebody told me recently. She said I retired last year and suddenly I didn't know who I was without my job. I sat in the quiet and thought I don't matter anymore and my heart broke when I heard that we are more than our jobs. We are more than our volunteer positions. We are more than being a mom or a dad. We are more than a pet parent. My heart broke because I know that feeling. I've had it myself and maybe you do too.
Speaker 1:But here's what I'm telling. I told her and I'm telling you jobs ends, kids grow up, titles fade, business cards fade, but you, you're still here. That means your purpose isn't finished. You're not retired from being you. Let me let that sink in for a minute. You are not retired from being you.
Speaker 1:So let's shift the question Instead of who am I now try this what do I want to be next? What do I want to be after? I've been everything? What do I want to be next? Because age doesn't define that. Purpose doesn't retire, it evolves. And, baby, if we've made it this far, we are still very much in the game. I've given you a lot to think about today and I want you to think about it seriously. If this is something that you're dealing with, if you are trying to find your purpose, if you're feeling the world is against you because of your age.
Speaker 1:So let me tell you something I don't know if you watched the new Matlock with Kathy Bates on ABC this year, it was really good. And if you haven't find it on their streaming channel, it's with Kathy Bates and it's called Matlock and in the beginning of it she gets into a very highly secured law firm. And when she gets there and she kind of gets into her character and what she's doing there, they asked her how she got in the building and she said you know, there's something interesting that happens to women when they hit a certain age, they become invisible. She just played on that and got in the building. But I don't want to be invisible to you. I have a lot left to give. There's a lot left of Marcy to live. I may be going through cancer treatment. It doesn't define me. I am not Marcy with cancer. I am Marcy. You are you.
Speaker 1:We get to divine next chapter. We get to pick what we're doing. We get to ask that question what do I want to do next? Remember we're evolving. We're still evolving. You haven't stopped all righty.
Speaker 1:So here, um, is your aging aim for sissy's homework. I want you, number one, to write down one thing you're curious about that you've never tried. I want you to call a friend and talk about how you're really doing. I do that, lynn and I talk a lot. She's my best friend. If you don't know, lynn and I have been friends for over 50 years. We may be far apart in miles, but our hearts are connected and we talk all the time and we talk about real feelings.
Speaker 1:Look in the mirror and say something kind to yourself. Oh my gosh, do you have bad self-talk? I can, and I think about the things I say to myself. I would never say to my best friend. Why do I allow my head to say them to myself? So I want you to look in the mirror and say something kind to yourself. Yes, even if you haven't plucked your chin hairs today and we've talked about that chemotherapy wiped out half my hair, but not those damn chin hairs. They are just like honest to God they'll survive the apocalypse. And if nobody told you this week, you're not invisible, you're not done and you're not irrelevant. You are here and you are full of more purpose than a teenager with a driver's license and a wifi connection.
Speaker 1:That's it for this episode of Aging. Ate for Sissies. Be sure to subscribe, share and leave a review if this hit home for you. In the coming weeks, we're going to always talk about aging subjects. Some of them will be a little happier than this one. I think this one is happy in its own regard when you look at the fact that we're not done evolving Again. Leave a review if this hits home, or just holler across the parking lot at your next potluck. I'll be back next week with some sass, some truth and just me Because I'm enough.
