Aging ain't for Sissies
Aging isn't easy. My name is Marcy Backhus and I am your host! Make sure your complete well-being is handled with a community and information that can make it easier and FUN. Aging needs humor, which you can find in the "Aging ain't for Sissies" Podcast, along with informational guests that give us the information we need.
Aging ain't for Sissies
The Art of Owning Your Power After 50
Have you ever felt your power slipping away as you age, wondering if your relevance is fading along with your youth? You're not alone—but you're also not powerless.
In this raw and revealing episode, we tackle the myth that aging means decline and invisibility. After sharing my personal journey through cancer treatments and an unexpected sidewalk tumble (complete with 14 stitches!), we dive deep into how society tries to strip away our power as we age, and more importantly, how we can reclaim it.
For women, the message seems clear: unless you're maintaining Helen Mirren or J-Lo levels of beauty, prepare to become invisible after 50. Men don't escape either, being relegated to "grumpy old man" status for simply having opinions. But what if aging isn't about fading—but about finally finding your authentic voice?
We explore practical ways to reclaim your power: reconnecting with your body without judgment, speaking up without constant apologizing, making room for what truly lights you up, and recognizing that true power in your later years looks different—and possibly more genuine—than it did in youth. As I share from my own experience, "Power now is walking into a room with a face that says I've lived through a few things and I'm not afraid to tell you what I think."
Ready to stop waiting for permission to be fully yourself? This episode offers both compassion and a challenge: do one thing this week that makes you feel powerful. Because remember—power doesn't retire, it just changes shoes.
Hello and welcome to Aging A for Sissies. My name is Marci Beckes and I am your host. Well, welcome back again to Aging A for Sissies, the podcast where the hot flashes are real, the sarcasm is therapeutic and the wisdom comes with a side of sciatica. I am your host, marci, your favorite truth teller, with a love for comfy shoes, strong coffee and calling out the nonsense. Well, hello, I hope everybody is doing well.
Speaker 1:It's been quite a week for me. I've had some very high highs and some very low lows. Let's go ahead and start with my low lows. So, saturday night, 95 degrees here in Chicago, craig and I finished dinner, I made dinner at home and let's go get some ice cream. So we headed down the street to get some ice cream, crossed where I don't usually cross, and I don't know if in your town, but in the city of Chicago, where the ramp, like the wheelchair ramp, to go across the street is the downgrade, they have dots. They have them outside Target, a lot of stores like little dots. Well, the city put in these cheap plastic ones and they've been lifting up all over the city. The screws aren't holding whatever. Well, I did Little did I know, because I didn't look down because I was looking at traffic because I do walk looking down I caught my foot and went head first into the street. It was awful Lots of blood, total of 14 stitches, some in my forehead, hand knee. So that was a very exciting evening.
Speaker 1:Craig and I got out of Northwestern Hospital at two in the morning, caught a cab for the two blocks home because I couldn't walk and I've been spending the week trying to get myself back together and I'm doing a good job of that. We have a trip to California next Wednesday, so I need to get my act together here, people and my high high. So that was my low, low, low. It's not my lowest, but it was low. And my high high is I finished my 21st radiation treatment yesterday. I am done with radiation. So my cancer journey I'm two thirds of the way there. My last third is 12 weeks of chemo which will start on July 17th and end in October, a couple weeks before we leave for Ireland. So we have that going on. So good stuff, lots of good stuff. It's been OK, so anyway.
Speaker 1:So in this fall I'm bleeding all over the place because my knees bleeding. Underneath my pants I have white pants on it's soaking through. I've got blood all down my shirt because, as you all know, no matter how bad the cut is on your head, it's going to bleed like you're dying. That's pouring down my face. My hands were shredded pretty good and blood everywhere. So there are no ambulances at this point because they're all taken from all the people out partying on the 95 degree night.
Speaker 1:And so the hook and ladder came and Craig took pictures of me like he was the freaking paparazzi. I have pictures of me at every angle, every blood, and the only reason I know is because he took pictures of where I trip so I could send them to our alderman, which is the equivalent to a city council person in your neck of the woods, and let them know. You know this is an issue, a lot of people know this is an issue. So here's another casualty of this issue. But Craig took pictures of me, honestly, like I was the most famous person on the planet. Paparazzi pictures every angle, everything. You can email me at agnameforsissies at gmailcom and I'll be happy to send them to you.
Speaker 1:Anyway, welcome to AGN for Sissies, because let me tell you, it's not man. When you take a fall like that, it's like hitting a brick wall at full speed and I've got a big old bruise on my left hip I got, and my muscles have paid for it. Actually, the stitches are no big deal, it's the muscle pain that I'm dealing with. So, and let's not forget, I got a blood clot in my lower left calf as well as my cancer treatment. So I've got a lot going on. Nanny, nanny, nanny. Anyways, things are good. Two thirds through my treatment. Start my got a little respite in California, heading to the beach, then to the desert. So, yes, that's what's happening with me. I hope you've had a good week. I hope your week had way more ups than downs, but, as we know, we have to take them all in stride, think positive and move forward.
Speaker 1:Today, we're going to talk about finding your power while aging. A couple of weeks ago, I talked about really how we lose our power. A couple of weeks ago, I talked about really how we lose our power. In some instances we give it away, and so let's just talk about that a little bit today. That is the main goal today.
Speaker 1:If you also know, I have another podcast called Inside Marcy's Mind. You can find it where you find this podcast, inside Marcy's Mind. This week we're going to be talking about the top 10 vacation destinations, so we'll talk on this episode of aging for sissies. We're going to talk about finding your power while we're aging. Let's not give it away. Hang in there, we'll be right back. Well, I hope you were able to grab a little coffee in that short intermission there. Grab a little diet coke, whatever you need. If you're driving, keep your eyes on the road.
Speaker 1:So, finding your power while aging yes, power, not the remote, not your refills, not the air fryer setting. I'm talking about your power, your voice, your presence, your purpose. Now again, a few weeks ago, go back and listen to that episode. We talked about our purpose and things like that. And before you say, marcy, I've lost my power somewhere between my second colonoscopy and my third hip injection, let me stop you right there. And I am going to stop you right there. You didn't lose your power.
Speaker 1:All of these things that happen to us as we age does not take away our power. Basically, it's been buried under years of BS, overcommitment, guilt, stretch marks and that good girl and tough guy conditioning. We were spoon fed in the 60s, 70s and 80s, so today we're digging back up our power. If you have buried your power. If your power is underneath, let's talk about that. Let's be honest. Honest, the world doesn't exactly hand power over to people over 50. So if you're coming to your 50s, let me tell you you do have a rude awakening. You think you gain more respect as you're older. You kind of do in your 40s and your 50s and in your 60s. If you're not careful and it's going to be by your own undoing, you're going to give away your power.
Speaker 1:Women do become invisible after 40. I think it's after 50. I don't believe it's after 40. I think it's after 50 and maybe even closer to 60. Unless you're Helen Mirren or J-Lo, and then even then you better be wearing Spanx and doing yoga in the morning and lifting goats by sunset.
Speaker 1:The reason women in the industry can keep their power is because they keep their beauty. I am very pleased with people like Jamie Lee Curtis, who is aging naturally and is becoming more powerful in Hollywood. It gives me hope. She is keeping her power. She is not allowing. I want you to think about the difference between a J-Lo and a Jamie Lee Curtis. Jamie Lee Curtis is aging naturally and keeping her power. Now not to put J-Lo down. That woman looks fabulous, has energy galore, and I admire that. But I think she thinks that's where her power comes from, is her beauty. And beauty can fade.
Speaker 1:And men, oh y'all, don't get off the hook that easy either. You get tossed in the dad joke category and slapped with the word grumpy just for having an opinion and teased it for how you dress and the eyebrow hairs that are like 20 feet long. You guys have it too. But here's the deal Getting older doesn't mean we fade. It means we're just getting louder, smarter and, frankly, less likely to give a damn what anyone thinks. And that's not a bad thing. That is not a bad thing. So buckle up, because we're going to talk about how to find your power and reclaim your voice and maybe even scare a few 20 somethings in the process. So if you are young and you are listening to this, get ready. And if you're out in the world, you may encounter one of us in the wild.
Speaker 1:The myth of over the hill. Let's address the garbage myth that aging means decline, oh please. I spend my days with a group of women of all ages older than I am and I will tell you one thing Over the hill is not in their vocabulary. The declining is not in their vocabulary. These are vibrant women and if you're listening you know who you are who keep me motivated on a daily basis. They have no idea how they motivate me. Whoever came up with over the hill anyway probably someone under 30 with a wrinkle free forehead and fear of fiber I say screw the hill, I don't go over it. I built a bar on top of it and poured myself a drink that would be a diet coke and started telling stories nobody else has the guts to tell.
Speaker 1:There's power in not needing to impress people anymore. There's power in knowing what you want and this is big saying no to the crap you don't. Did you hear me saying no and saying yes to what you want? I also, I'm going to say there is power in not needing to press people and impress people anymore, but that doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. There's nothing worse than an old asshole person. Sorry for the language, language, language, but I don't know any other word to say it. I cannot stand an old person that's an ass or feels entitled. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about having your power and not caring what people think, saying no to what you don't want and yes to what you do want.
Speaker 1:You know what I've noticed? Younger people are constantly trying to find themselves. Meanwhile we already found ourselves and lost ourselves in raising kids, running households, working jobs, being polite and not making ways. Now it's time to remember who we were before we got so damn tired. I had an incident this week with my son and I you know I I'm always very careful with my words with my kids and you know you don't want them to get mad at you and and all of that but I stated how I felt and I got admonished for that. But I get tired of stuffing how I feel or my thoughts on a situation because I'm afraid of hurting them. They're adults now. He came back and apologized to me. I apologized for, perhaps, how I said things or how I stated things. I didn't say I was sorry for how I felt, because how I felt was how I felt and feelings aren't right or wrong. You may find yourself in situations like that sometimes.
Speaker 1:So here are signs you've lost your power and how to get it back. Here are a few things your personal power might be gathering dust. You say yes to things that make you miserable. You shrink to make others comfortable. That's what I've done a lot of. You've forgotten what you actually want, like outside of dinner preferences. You say I'm too old for that. More than why the hell not Think about that. Is any of that you? It may all be you. It may be one thing you, but even one thing means that you've lost a little bit of your power.
Speaker 1:Listen, just because you turn 60 doesn't mean your dreams expire. This isn't yogurt. Let me give you the secret Power isn't about controlling others, it's about owning yourself. So how do you start finding that again? The first thing you need to do is reconnect with your body, not to punish it, not to fix it, just to listen to it. Your body has carried you through all of life's chaoses. Give it some credit. Maybe a bubble bath? I don't know about you. I can't get in and out of a bathtub, so maybe not. Maybe a really good shower. I don't know about you. I can't get in and out of a bathtub, so maybe not. Maybe a really good shower. I love you know what? I have one of those brushes. You brush your skin before you get in the shower. Do that. Get one of those, it's awesome. Maybe a stretch, maybe a thanks for still working, even if you're a little crunchy. That's pretty funny. My nephew, my great nephew, alan, said I had crunchy hands and I do.
Speaker 1:Number two reclaim your voice. Speak up about what matters. Stop apologizing for existing, unless you actually ran over someone's foot. You're not required to say sorry every five minutes. Women I'm talking to you especially we are we say sorry all the time. If you cut someone off in the grocery store, sorry, you didn't do it on purpose. There's no reason to say sorry. You can say excuse me, pardon me. So stop apologizing for existing, just stop. Number three make room for what lights you up. You don't have to climb everest. Start smaller. Take a pottery class, go on a solo trip, dye your hair purple or start a podcast called aging ain't for sissies worked for me. I do a lot of things that remind me that I have a voice, and this is one of them. It definitely is one of them.
Speaker 1:I'm going to say one thing Power looks different now. Now I know what you're thinking, but, Marcy, I used to be powerful when I wore stilettos and I fit into a size eight jeans. Honey, that wasn't power, that was pain management. Power now is walking into a room with a face that says I've lived through a few things and I'm not afraid to tell you what I think. Again, don't be an asshole, but be confident. Don't be an asshole, but be confident.
Speaker 1:I think people would describe me as confident. I am so not confident on the inside, but I will never let you know that on the outside, but a secret between just you and me. On the inside I'm not confident, but I will never let anybody know that. And on the outside, I I'm not confident, but I will never let anybody know that. And on the outside I will always look confident. I will always speak confident. Hmm, power is knowing. You don't have to win every argument because you've already won by surviving what you survived. Think about that, especially with your spouse. Oh my God, craig, just Craig always has to be right and he can't say sorry.
Speaker 1:If there's something I've learned, probably through the last 10, maybe 15 years, is I don't remember everything the way I used to. I could be wrong. I may remember wrong. I admit that now I couldn't. When I was younger, I used to. I could be wrong. I may remember wrong. I admit that now. I couldn't. When I was younger, I can now Power is being able to comfort someone else, not with cliches, but with the truth.
Speaker 1:Sometimes the truth is hard, but sometimes it's really important. Went through some stuff with our oldest Kyle two months ago. There was a lot of truth in that and you know what? Our relationship has never been better Never. Kyle is 32. I'm 64. We are in our best years and our best relationship and it's awesome. But it went through a lot of truth and a lot of hurt to get there. I was truthful. I wasn't mean, I was loving, but I was truthful.
Speaker 1:Segment four this is for the men too. So listen up, guys. I know you're listening Now. Gentlemen, don't think I've forgotten you. Aging for men comes with its own brand of weariness. Suddenly, people expect you to become wise just because your eyebrows are going in three directions. Did I not say that earlier? You're told to stay strong and be the rock. Even what you really want to do is cry into your dog's fur and yell at a Bluetooth speaker. Well newsflash, real strength isn't how silent you are, it's how open you are willing to be. Power for men is learning how to show up without armor. It's choosing presence over pressure. It's laughing at your bald spot and still getting the job done All right.
Speaker 1:So we've talked about a lot of things today. How do we put it into practice? Let's get real. If you want to reclaim your power, you've got to stop waiting for permission. Nobody's going to give you permission. You are a full ass adult and you do what you want when you want, and nobody's going to give you permission. So stop waiting for it. The world won't hand it to you wrapped in a bow. You've got to take it back with both hands and maybe some compression gloves like compression socks I've got on.
Speaker 1:So this week I challenge you to do one thing that makes you feel more powerful. Say no to something you really don't want to do. I don't care if it's going out to dinner. I don't care if it's going out with friends. I don't care if it's church or the women's league or whatever asking you to do something. Say no to something you don't want to do.
Speaker 1:Start something you've been putting off, maybe a podcast about getting old. I need some competition. Start something you've been putting off, whether it's I bought stuff to crochet flowers. I started, it was hard, I stopped. I say this week I'm going to pick that back up. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start something I've been putting off.
Speaker 1:Wear something that makes you feel badass Orthopedic inserts and all. Pull out those stilettos and throw your inserts in them. All I'm telling you is I want you to put on something that makes you feel badass. It may be a low cut top, it may be a great pair of earrings I don't know what it is, but do it. For men, it may be those jeans that are just a little too tight, but you feel like a stud in them and someone tells you you're too old, you just smile and say I'm seasoned baby. That's better than raw, All right. So today, in closing, I want to say getting older isn't for sissies, but it is for the brave, the bold, the ones who know that power isn't something you lose with age, it's something you finally understand. I want to thank you for spending time inside the sassy brain of mine. If you like today's episode, share it with your fellow fierce friends, leave a review and remember power doesn't retire, it changes shoes. I'm Marci and I'll see you next time on. Aging Ain't For Sissiesies. Go out and do something positive.
