Aging ain't for Sissies
Aging isn't easy. My name is Marcy Backhus and I am your host! Make sure your complete well-being is handled with a community and information that can make it easier and FUN. Aging needs humor, which you can find in the "Aging ain't for Sissies" Podcast, along with informational guests that give us the information we need.
Aging ain't for Sissies
Death Cleaning: Your Final Act of Love
Decluttering isn't just about creating space—it's about leaving the right legacy. Welcome to a candid exploration of Swedish Death Cleaning, the surprisingly uplifting practice of methodically clearing out your possessions before others have to do it while grieving your loss.
Fresh from completing cancer treatment and finding my new normal, I dive into this concept that transformed my perspective on possessions. Swedish Death Cleaning (döstädning) isn't morbid—it's an act of profound consideration. Having downsized from a large house to a one-bedroom condo, I've experienced firsthand the liberation that comes with lightening the load.
Most of us have stood bewildered in a parent's home after their passing, wondering what to keep, what to discard, and why they saved 14 boxes of expired vitamins or 57 tubs of cat figurines. Death Cleaning prevents your loved ones from facing that overwhelming task. Starting with non-emotional items (those extra kitchen gadgets, clothes you never wear, mystery cords connecting to nothing), you gradually work through your home at your own pace—one room per week or month, whatever suits your lifestyle.
The unexpected benefit? Freedom. Looking around my condo now, I see only things Craig and I truly love. There's no guilt-keeping of unwanted gifts or untouched items. When everything has meaning, your daily life becomes more intentional. Your legacy shouldn't be your junk drawer but rather the love, wisdom, and memories you leave behind.
Ready to start your own Death Cleaning journey? Begin small, label important items, communicate your intentions to loved ones, and remember—you are not your stuff. Share this episode with someone drowning in decades of accumulated belongings, and together, let's age boldly and mindfully.
Hello and welcome to AG&E for Sissies. My name is Marci Backus and I am your host. Hey there, my fabulous and fearless and maybe slightly frazzled friends. Welcome back to AG&E for Sissies, the podcast that tells the truth about growing older, stiffer, sassier and smarter every dang day. I am your host, marci Backusus, and today, oh today, we are diving into a topic that sounds bleak but is secretly amazing. I've done this topic before, but I did it three years ago. We're going to do it again. The Swedish death clean. And no, don't panic, it isn't about Ikea coffins or assembling your own urn with an allen wrench. No, friends, this is about decluttering your life before your loved ones have to do it while grieving and swearing under their breath and, trust me, they are. I'll give you a quick life update At this point. I have completed the cancer treatment. That is safe for me. I am moving forward. It's been a crazy six months. I'm looking forward to life getting back to as normal as life can get. Made it to the gym four times this week. We'll be going again tomorrow. That'll be my fifth time.
Speaker 1:I was supposed to be in California over 4th of July. Did not make it. Had another unexpected hospital stay Again a complication from my chemotherapy and my genetic disorder. So I am doing good now. I feel great. I'm moving forward, had a wonderful 4th of July. Had a great 4th of July with my sister-in-law, muff, and her husband Bob. We watched great fireworks right by a cornfield. You can't get much more Midwest than that. We had a wonderful barbecue and a swim day. It was much needed after my hospital stay. But getting back to normal life now. Normal life no treatments, no going to radiation every day, no taking 60 billion pills a day for chemo. I'm over it. I'm glad to move forward and, yes, my journey isn't as long as a lot of people's but longer than some. So it was my journey. I did my best, I think I did well and let's just pray that I stay cancer free. As for everyone who has had cancer, it is not a enjoyable trek, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:I want to remind you that you can find this podcast also at my website, aging ain't for sissies podcastcom. Anytime we have a guest which we will start having. We are going to have nita wenrick in a couple weeks. Nita is going to do the basic 101 on medicare. I'm going to be starting medicare in January. Thank you to the heavens, I can stop paying $1,500 a month for insurance and still having to pay. Never mind, it's just not even worth talking about. Nonetheless, we are going to have Nita and she is always a good time and she is always a wealth of information. So if you have questions about Medicare, stay tuned for that. Again, you'll be able to find her information on agingeemforsissiespodcastcom.
Speaker 1:If you want to email me, you can email me at agingfast1, the number one, agingfast1 at gmailcom, and I want to, let you know, also have another podcast inside marcy's mind. It's a little bit more free form. I talk about all different things. This week I'm going to be talking about taking control of your health care, sans my several visits to the emergency room after falling in the street and hitting my head and having to have a bunch of stitches for that, to a week later having to be an emergency again for my other issues. So, um, yeah, I'm a big advocate about taking control of health and telling your doctors what you need. So we're going to talk about that. On my other podcast, inside Marcy's Mind, you can find that. Where you found this podcast, you can also find it at InsideMarcy'sMindcom. You can stream it right from there, as you can stream Aging Ape for Sissies at AgingApeForSissiesPodcastcom.
Speaker 1:Okay, now that I've bored you with a crud ton of information, we're going to dive into our next topic. So grab coffee, wine, your color-coded post-its and let's get real. Well, so what the heck is a Swedish death cleaning? Well, so what the heck is a Swedish death cleaning? Let's start with the basics. The Swedish death cleaning called I cannot say it in Swedish dödsundanning in Swedish, because of course it has dots over the letters. Don't, I can't do it. It's a concept made famous by a woman named Margareta Magnusson. She wrote a book called the Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, so I recommend you getting the book. I know what you're thinking, though. Death cleaning, oh joy, how uplifting. But stick with me, it gets better.
Speaker 1:Here's the deal. It's all about slowly and methodically decluttering your life as you get older, so that, when you eventually shuffle off, your family doesn't have to go through 57 tubs of cat figurines, 14 boxes of expired vitamins and that drawer full of cords that connect to absolutely nothing. It's practical, it's considerate. It's a little bit dark, just like me, so I want to also preface this by saying if you downsize, this is something you can do. Before you downsize. This is something you can do during a downsize. If you're planning not to downsize, this is something you can do before you downsize. This is something you can do during a downsize. If you're planning not to downsize and you are in the home you are going to stay in, this is extremely important.
Speaker 1:Now, all of you know, I downsized from a big old house to a one-bedroom high-rise condo. I've done a lot of this. I could do more, and that always blows my mind, but I could do more. The last three years we've lived here, I have accumulated a few things, not a lot, mostly clothes. I love clothes.
Speaker 1:So, anyways, why should you care? Why should you really care about what happens when you're dead and why should you care about death cleaning? Picture this, and you know you might be able to picture this because you've already done it. Your kids are already reeling because you've passed on and now they're trying to figure out what to do with that collection of mismatched Tupperware lids, 23 copies of chicken soup for the Soul gardening edition. It's not really the legacy you want to leave. My mom left it, craig's mom left it. It's not a great legacy and it doesn't lead to better relationships with your siblings. I'm just going to tell you that right now. So I want you to think about those things and again, you may have already experienced this in cleaning up after your parents. So I want you to keep that memory in your mind as we go through this Death.
Speaker 1:Cleaning is the final act of love. It says I care about you enough not to make you dig through my 1982 taxes or wonder why I have three fondue pots. Does anybody need three fondue pots? I want to ask you a question when was the last time you used that fondue pot that you got as a wedding gift? Also, let's be real, it's freeing to lighten the load emotionally, mentally, physically.
Speaker 1:You want to walk into your garage without having to do the Olympic hurdles over Rubbermaid bins. I'm going to tell you from doing, from having done this, it is extraordinarily free. And even we do have a storage unit. Because we have a one bedroom condo. There's not a lot of room. So we have a storage unit that has holiday decorations that I kept and Craig, some of Craig's papers. That is overwhelming to me. Now. That's all. We have One little storage unit and a condo. That what can you fit in a one bedroom condo? Not a lot. So we don't have a lot, but I'm finding it a little overwhelming.
Speaker 1:So when do you start this? Margarita suggests starting at around age 65. All right, so if you're not 65 yet, you've got some time. But honestly, you can start right now, whether you're 55, 75, or you just woke up tired of staring at that broken fax machine in your guest room. You're ready? Oh yeah, let's go back to that fax machine. Oh, can you fax it to us? No, brenda, I can't. Anyways, um, the earlier you start, the more time you have to do it. And you can do it more thoughtfully, not in a panicked oh crap, I'm moving into an assisted living next Tuesday kind of way. There is also that. So you can do this prior to downsizing. So you kind of do a double clean then.
Speaker 1:And no, this isn't one of those minimalistic cult things. You don't have to throw out your grandma's china or that lamp you swear is mid-century modern, even though it's actually just old. All right, so it isn't about. Did something bring you joy? I'm going to break it down for you now. How do you? How do you do this thing? Well, step one Start with the easy stuff.
Speaker 1:Don't go straight to the sentimental drawer full of love letters and baby teeth. Start with clothes, books, kitchen junk, things you know you don't use or need Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I'm going to tell you to start in the kitchen. Get rid of the gadgets you don't use. How many spatulas do you need? Are you an octopus? Can you flip eight things with those eight spatulas you have in the drawer? Look in your knife drawer. For gosh sakes, keep the knives you reuse. Get rid of the ones you don't. Always keep a bread knife Going to tell you that much Always a paring knife and one good cutting knife. We don't need all the things that we have. And the more you look, the more you see, the more you're going to realize that.
Speaker 1:Don't go room by room, don't. I shouldn't have said don't before that I was going to say something else and I changed my mind. Go room by room and I'll tell you when I downsized, that's what I did. I went room by room and then packed that room when I was done with what I was keeping. So go room by room, don't try to death.
Speaker 1:Clean your entire house in one weekend, unless you're a masochist. Pick one room, like the bathroom or the kitchen. Do one room a week. Do one room a month. What is it going to do to work for you? Label things. If there are items you do want to keep but know you will confuse people later, put a note on it. Put a sticky If there's something you're leaving and you know your son wants this or your daughter wants that, or your daughter put notes on things where people can't see them, obviously.
Speaker 1:So label things and as you box up things to keep when you're moving, keep a list number, the box number, the box on all four sides. Keep a running list going. It has saved my life and when Craig and I haven't done it since we moved and he he tends to re box things and not tell me what's in them We've got a little confusion. But 90% now of everything we have that's in boxes. I can tell you what's exactly in that box by the number. So make sure you label things. Keep things organized as you're going. Make a list, if you need to, of what you're keeping and what goes to who. Let your loved ones know you're doing this. Tell them where important documents are, who gets what and what to do with stuff you're not getting rid of. So even if you have a will, these are details. These are things. You've done it.
Speaker 1:You've stood in your mom's living room going, well, what's she thinking about? I don't know. Did she think we were going to keep? Like make it clear to your kids? I have done that. I have a box. It's in my closet.
Speaker 1:If something happens to both Craig and I, I have someone that's going to help Alec with all of that. They know that. They know where things are. Make sure people are clear on things. And then there's always the but.
Speaker 1:Marcy, I'm attached to my stuff. Listen, I get it. We all have things that make us feel cozy, safe and sentimental. But if everything you own is precious, then nothing is. Let me repeat that If everything you own is precious, then nothing is. Your kids will keep the items that really matter. The rest might just make them cry from frustration. You're not your stuff. You are your stories, your laughter, your legacy. If you want to leave your kids something really good, leave them a recording of you talking about things. My kids are going to have these podcasts. They'll never listen to them I don't think they've ever listened to my podcast but they'll have them. They want to hear their mom. They just have to fire up a podcast. They can hear my sassy whatever I am chatting at them. Also, don't confuse guilt with value. Just because aunt edna gave you that weird crocheted owl pillow doesn't mean you have to keep it until death, do you part?
Speaker 1:I will tell you this, though funny enough handmade, about handmade things. Alec loves to thrift store and when he was in college he was thrift storing and there was a needlepoint cat, a picture of this cat done in needlepoint, and in the back was the most loving note from Aunt Edna to Susie Q. Whatever I hope you love and Alec. Just he bought it, I think, for 25 cents because he just felt so bad that it was left there. So we all have that in us.
Speaker 1:There's some unexpected perks when you do this, and here's what they don't tell you You'll breathe easier when your junk is gone. I can tell you that for true. You'll find stuff you thought you lost, like your sanity, but I can tell you that is true. You might even make a little money selling things. Boom, spa day fund. I mean $5 here, $20 there, a buck here, a buck there. You got yourself a spa day. You'll actually start enjoying the things you keep.
Speaker 1:I will tell you that in this condo. When I look around, there's nothing in it that Craig and I don't love. We don't have crap in here. There's no things just because somebody gave it to us that we kept it. I'm looking at a beautiful mural wood bowl my sister gave us and Craig keeps all his pens and pencils in it, right on the side table. There's still things that mean a lot.
Speaker 1:I got rid of some things that meant a lot, but I just didn't have time. My dolls from when I was a kid, things like that my kids don't want them. I don't want to drag them around for the rest of my what? I don't even want to guess how many years I have left. I'm grateful for every day and, most importantly, you'll feel in control, not overrun by clutter, not overwhelmed by someday projects. You'll be living lighter, laughing more and dancing naked in your newly cleaned living room. It's optional, but fabulous to do so.
Speaker 1:Here are my closing thoughts. So, my dear death cleaners in training, here's the bottom line Start now, go slow, be ruthless and be kind and remember death. Cleaning isn't about dying. It's about living intentionally and living with grace. Your legacy should be your love, not your junk drawer. And trust me, aging ain't for sissies, but neither is leaving your kids with a mountain of moldy VHS tapes. So clear it out, lighten your load and celebrate the life you've lived, not the stuff you've hoarded. Thanks for hanging out with me today. If this episode has made you laugh, cringe or rethink that box of beanie babies, please rate, review and subscribe. Share it with a friend who's also drowning in holiday decorations from 1997. Until next time, keep aging boldly and maybe start by tackling that hall closet and remember to be kind.
