Aging ain't for Sissies
Aging isn't easy. My name is Marcy Backhus and I am your host! Make sure your complete well-being is handled with a community and information that can make it easier and FUN. Aging needs humor, which you can find in the "Aging ain't for Sissies" Podcast, along with informational guests that give us the information we need.
Aging ain't for Sissies
How To Not Be The Creepy Aunt Or Grandpa This Season
Holiday lights are on, travel is messy, and family dynamics are about to get real. We’re choosing connection over perfection and sharing the exact moves that turn “creepy elder energy” into warm, genuine bonds with the kids and teens who make these gatherings worth it. No guilt, no lectures—just practical ways to show up as the grown‑up they actually want to sit next to.
We break down how to meet younger family members where they are: recognizing the names and trends that matter to them, asking better questions that spark conversation, and bringing low‑stakes, high‑fun activities like simple Lego builds to the table. You’ll hear why compliments work better than critiques, how to use humor when a child points out your “crunchy” hands or a mole, and why respecting boundaries—especially around hugs—builds lasting trust. We also share our “Guestzilla” commandments for holiday etiquette: arrive with something thoughtful, offer help without taking over, skip politics, and say thank you twice.
Underneath it all is a mindset shift: you earn attention by giving it first. Following a niece’s team on Instagram, texting encouragement during finals, or asking a teen to DJ a few songs lays groundwork all year so the holiday feels easy. When plans slip, laugh. When conversations stall, pivot to gratitude. The recipe is equal parts curiosity, kindness, and letting go of control, and it turns chaos into connection fast. If you’re ready to swap awkward small talk for real moments of joy, pull up a chair—we’ve saved you a seat.
If this resonated, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs a holiday reset, and leave a quick review telling us the tip you’ll try first. Your notes help more families find a warmer way to gather.
Hello, and welcome to AG Name for Sissies. My name is Marcy Backis and I am your host. Hello, hello, hello, everybody. Hello, all of my friends and listeners out there. I hope you're having a good day. We are, you know, I'll tell you something. If you leave on a vacation at the beginning of October and you show back up at the end of October, you are slammed right into the holiday seasons. I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I don't know if Thanksgiving's already happened or it hasn't. It's Christmas tomorrow. I it really, really has messed with me this year. You come back, the holiday commercials are on in full force. Decorations. Even the city has lights on the trees here in Chicago already. It truly is messing with me. And that holiday season is coming quickly. There's a lot going on. This week on my other podcast, Inside Marcy's Mind, we're going to be talking about the government shutdown and travel because that's going to be affecting a lot of us. So I'm going to give whatever insights, hints, and tricks I can on that one. I'm going to be having some kids traveling during that time. And I have warned them that it could be bad. And if they don't make it here, that's okay. Giving people grace during this time and all the things that are happening is super important. If you can help feed someone during this time, do that. If you can give to your local feed bank, do that. If your church has some sort of giving program, do that. This is a terrible time for people to be out of work. This is a terrible time for food insecurities to be heightened. It's never good, but holiday time is 10 times worse. So if you have a good bone in your body, go out there and do something for someone. Even if you can help just one family, it is a great thing. If you have more than someone else, always give back. All right, so this week. How to survive the holidays without scaring the grandkids. Don't be the creepy aunt, don't be the creepy old person. This is what we're going to talk about. So I want to welcome you to the show. If you are new, this is where we talk about surviving life after 50, wrinkles, wisdom, and way too many opinions on how to carve a turkey. The holidays are coming, family gatherings, awkward conversation, and that cousin that still hasn't figured out how to cook without using a can opener. So today we're going to talk about how not listen to me carefully. Not be that dodgy old person this season. The one who sits in the corner and wonders why nobody talks to them. Spoil alert, it's because you're giving creepy doll in the attic vibes. Let's fix that. Don't be that creepy old person. At the gathering, I work very hard and always have to relate to kids. I'm talking specifically about the younger generation. Older people are creepy to them. They just are. They were to us, they always will be. Don't be that person. I have a little friend, Isaac, who um is our pastor's youngest son. And he and I have bonded on the Wednesday night dinners, and we are friends. And I had been gone for a couple weeks. And when I walked into the room this week, his eyes lit up. That does my heart good. That didn't happen by accident. That happened by me working very hard at creating a relationship with him. Talking about things like Legos and dinosaurs and things that matter to him. I worked hard on that relationship, and it is paying off for both of us. He's worked hard at it too. He's continued to be my friend. He's been continuing to happy to be see me. It all started on a Wednesday night when I came down the stairs and he looked sad and I asked him why. And he said, because he couldn't find his mom. And Katie is always working in the kitchen and doing things. We couldn't find her. And I took that opportunity to create a bond and a relationship with him. This is what you need to do, people. It's not, you are not the grand hom and the grand whatever man version is of that, to sit and have everyone bow at your feet. It is your job to get your act together, find out what the young people are talking about, talk about it, and you know what you'll find out? They're interested in what you're interested in after you are interested in them first. So let's get started. I've I've gotten on my soapbox. I've I've but let's let's talk about it. So the first thing we're going to talk about is the ghost of Christmas awkward. We've all been to those family gatherings where the older folks look like they're waiting for the early bird special to start. Kids are running around, teens are glued to their phones, grandpa's staring into the void. News flash, the holidays are about connection. Not perfect pies, not politics for God's sakes. And if you open with the kids these days, you've already lost the crowd. They don't want to lecture, they want to be feel seen and not judged. So my first suggestion is figure out what they're interested in right now. Do you know what 6'7 is? Do you know who Kendrick Lamar is? Do you know who Sabrina Carpenter is? Do you know who Taylor Swift is? Do you know what they're talking about? Do you know what they're looking on their phones? Do you know the latest TikTok craze? Do you know what Instagram is? If you don't know any of those things, figure out what they are before the holidays. Meet them at their level, then they'll meet you at your level. Learn. Figure out. Go online. Go to Amazon and just if you've got young kids from one to four, put in what toys would I buy for a one to four year old? I'm not telling you to buy the toys. I'm telling you to look at the characters, learn them. Do you know who Bluey is? Do you know who Peppa the Pig is? I probably don't even know who the latest craziest is. Dora the Explorer. I don't know. Figure it out. Find out who they are. Buy a toy. Bring it. Bring some Legos and build with the kids. Bring some blocks. Get on the floor. Have some fun. Talk to them about what they know. Don't sit there expecting them to come and bow at your feet like you are the be all end-all. You are the creepy old person in the room. Don't be that person. Meet them at their level. Get on the floor. If you can't get on the floor, tell them, you know what, it's hard for me to get on the floor. Let's play Legos on the table. Let's do whatever it is that makes those kids happy. Make sure your breath doesn't stink. Make sure your skin looks the best you can. I have creepy old people hands. There's nothing I can do about it. They are crunchy, as my great nephew Ellen calls them. If they call you out on something, why do you have spots on your hand? Explain it to them. But don't let them be embarrassed. Don't make them afraid. Do not, do not make them afraid. We move different as we age. We're a little stiffer. We're a little slower. It can seem a little creepy. Make it uncree. Make fun of yourself. I call my hands the claws. That's what my kids call them. I tell my great nieces and nephews and my great-greats, that's what they are. They're the claws. It's what I got. They don't hurt, they work just fine. And I'm sorry if they creep you out. But honestly, they're just like normal hands, a little crunchy. Talk to them where they're at. Meet them where they're at. If you have a big old mole, if you got something on your face, if they tell you you got brown teeth, go roll with it. Tell them that's what happens when you get older. Sometimes this happens to your teeth. Don't make them afraid of you. Make them want to be with you. How to be approachable. Being approachable isn't just learning the TikTok dances, though they are a good way to do it. It's about curiosity and connection. Ask, don't assume. Show me the funniest meme you've seen this week. Beats, why are you on that phone? Don't say, why are you on that phone? Say, what's the funniest thing you saw on the internet this week? What did you see? What did you learn on the internet this week? Do you have any new apps that you think I might like? Meet them where you're at. Be curious. Don't be creepy. Ask about their interests. Not their relationship status. Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a girlfriend? Nobody cares. Find out common ground. What great food did you try this week? Or is there any new favorite ice cream flavors? Do you have a new favorite cookie place? Do you have something new? Ask them. Invite them to speak to you on their level. Compliment them. You look great. Works better than when I was your age, I wore sensible shoes. If they're wearing high heels, go, wow, you learned to walk in high heels this year. That's awesome. I can't walk in them anymore. I wish I could. Talk to them, meet them on what their level is. Tell them they look good. Even if their hair is purple, yellow, and green. Give them a compliment. They just want to be different. They're just standing out. There's nothing wrong with that. Everybody wearing a white shirt and a black tie going to work as days gone by. It's not coming back. Get over it, move on, and enjoy what kids are doing now. Be grateful that they're there at a holiday. Be grateful that they are engaging. Don't shame them. Don't shame them for their phones. Hell, I'm on my phone all the time. Be a wonderful old person. Make them excited to see you next year. Not like, oh God. And for God's sakes, don't. And I am going to repeat this over and over. Don't make anybody hug you. Hug me. No. If a young person, I am grateful that Brooke and Chris, my great niece and nephew, always hug me. I never demand that. And I tell their parents, don't say hug her. If it comes from the heart, it's great. Nobody should be made. Nobody wants to touch anybody they don't want to touch. Don't make kids hug you and tell your kids to not make the grandkids hug you. If you've got a good relationship, that grandkid's gonna hug you out of love. The golden rule of the holidays: don't be a guestzilla. Follow these commandments. Don't show up empty handed, bring wine, cookies, or a charm. Bring something. Offer to help, chop, stir, or distract the in-laws. Don't rearrange the host's kitchen. You're not on HGTV. Keep your opinions, politics, and potato salad to yourself. Don't dominate the conversation with your ailments and the latest drugs you're on. Save your knee story for January. Let the young folks have their slang and oat milk. Don't make fun of them. You survive disco. They'll survive this. Say thank you twice. Gratitude is classy. You are not the be-all end-all at that holiday event. You are bringing the wise wisdom and bring it in a fun and enlightened manner. Don't bang everybody over the head with it. The kids aren't creeped out. You are. Sometimes kids avoid you because you're uncomfortable being around them and that they sense it. Don't be scared of them. You were young once. Sit on the floor. Ask what they're into. Tell them to tell you about their music. Tell them to tell you about the latest TikTok craze. Be silly. When they see you laugh at yourself, they'll real relax. If you can't get up easy off the floor, make fun of yourself. It takes the heat off everyone else. That's when connections happen. Let go of pride and lean into playfulness. Do it. It's gonna be a better holiday. I've given you a lot to think about. I've put a lot on your plate. But I don't want you to be that creepy old person. Nobody wants to be. And trust me, people, when one of your parents is feeling that way, or an older person at your gathering, give them some insight. Tell them to ask the kids. Tell them what to ask the kids. Tell them where to meet the kids. Help them. Don't just sit there and go, oh, grandpa's being grandpa again. And for God's sakes, don't be curmudgeony, people. Here's the recipe: equal parts curiosity, kindness, and letting go of control. If your daughter-in-law doesn't do the way you did it, oh well, she does it her way. Give it up, grandma. I'm terrible. I am on my high horse today, and I'm sorry. But nothing, I have worked really hard my whole life. I've been an aunt since I was 10 years old. I am a great, great aunt now. I never want to be the creepy one in the room. But I am not as young as I used to be, and I do have to work at it, and I've always worked at it. They are important to me, and I never want Chris and Brooke to think, oh God, Aunt Marcy's coming. That would, I'm getting teared up. That would break my heart. I want them to be excited that I'm coming. God's sweet Brooke last time cleaned the bathroom that we share so it was sparkling. It made my heart sing. She did that for me because she loves me. I text them while Chris is away at college and I get a text back. I continue trying to relate. Brooke is going tomorrow to the state championships for swimming relay. I saw that on Instagram because I follow her swim team on Instagram and allowed me to tell her I was proud of her. Work at it all year long. Don't think that on Christmas and Thanksgiving it's going to be a miracle. Continue to work on these relationships. They are important. If something burns, laugh. If someone's late, pour another glass. If the conversation gets weird, pivot to gratitude. You don't need to be perfect. Just be real, joyful, and present. Joyful. Don't be a curmudgeon. Be joyful. We all have it in us to fall into that curmudgeonness. We all do. Even I am a positive person. Even I fall into that, but don't. You don't need to remember your dish, but they'll remember, they won't remember your dish, excuse me. But they will remember how you made them feel. Make them feel good. Make them feel good about themselves. Make them feel positive. All right. It's not a very long episode today, but this is an important one. Let's all promise to be the fun aunt, the cool uncle, or the grandparent who actually listens. Don't be dodgy, don't be cranky, don't be one the kids don't want to sit next to. Be the one that they save a seat and say, Grandma, sit here. Auntie M, sit here. Not the one they whisper about later. Because aging ain't for sissies, but neither is spending a weekend with your entire family. I'm Marcy. I'm reminding you to stay curious, stay kind, and keep your creepy energy in check. And remember, go out and do something positive in this world.
