Aging ain't for Sissies
Aging isn't easy. My name is Marcy Backhus and I am your host! Make sure your complete well-being is handled with a community and information that can make it easier and FUN. Aging needs humor, which you can find in the "Aging ain't for Sissies" Podcast, along with informational guests that give us the information we need.
Aging ain't for Sissies
Why Retirement Feels Weird At First And How To Make It Wonderful
Forget the glossy brochure version of retirement. We get honest about what happens when the calendar opens up, the title falls away, and the to-do list is yours to write. From late drops and real-life health worries to the small rituals that keep a day anchored, we map how freedom and responsibility can live side by side without burning you out.
I share the unedited arc: decades of work that look different from the traditional path, the decision to downsize into a one-bedroom in Chicago, and the messy first year that followed. Then we talk about the turn—finding community at the pool, building a loose routine, learning to enjoy guilt-free downtime, and rediscovering creativity. We unpack the true pros of retirement—time, flexibility, travel on your schedule, and the joy of saying no—as well as real cons like chores that don’t retire, days that blend together, and the friction of two people home at once.
Money gets the clarity it deserves. We break down why keeping fixed costs lean, paying down housing, and timing big purchases (hello, “last car”) can make everything feel lighter. We also explore how to travel smarter, not harder, and why city living can be a surprising win for safety, access, and daily connection. Most of all, we focus on identity: liking yourself more without a boss, forgiving old mistakes, and building a life that runs on community, movement, and meaning. If you’re retired, almost there, or just retirement-curious, this conversation offers practical steps and a warm nudge to design the next chapter on purpose.
If this resonated, share it with someone who’s retired or wishes they were, hit follow, and leave a quick review—what’s your first guilt-free yes after you retire?
Hello, and welcome to Aging Aim for Sissies. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. Oh, hello, everyone. Welcome back to Aging Name for Sissies, the show where we talk about all things wonderful, weird, and wildly unexpected about getting older. And I am your host. My name is Marcy Backis, the woman who thought retirement sounded like a permanent beach vacation until I realized retirees still do laundry, still pay taxes, and still get unsolicited advice from people who've been retired for five minutes. Today we are diving big into the topic of retirement. But before we get there, let's talk about life. I my last couple of podcasts are not dropping on time, and I apologize. Life is a little wacky, a little wonderful, and a little off schedule right now. And as we're going to talk about in retirement, you know what? This is my show. I don't get paid for it. So it'll drop when it drops. But be aware, I will always get you a new episode. So it may not always be on Fridays right now, but I do my darndest. I do my darndest. You know, I have to be honest, one of the things that is throwing off my podcast is my husband. Yeah, let's blame him. He's not here to defend himself. Um, yeah, no, Craig's got his schedule off. And I can't have him in the condo when I'm doing recordings, and he seems to be wandering around a lot. And his mornings have been different, and his mornings have been everything's just off. And you know, when you've been married to someone for 34, almost 35 years, December 8th, um, who is as regular as the train in everything they do and has a schedule. What I didn't realize is as scheduled as he is, and he is a very scheduled person, my life revolves around his schedule. So now that his schedule has been off in many a ways, it's screwing me up. I'm just gonna blame him flat out, out of the gate. It's it's it's messing with me in my unscheduled schedule. So I have to squeeze things in when I can. And that's what would have happened. And blah, blah, woof, woof. Who cares? Right? You don't care, you just want a podcast. So, anyhow. And I have had a multitude of doctor's appointments. I think I've had close to 10, 11 since I've been home from one emergency visit since I've been home from Ireland. Um, there's a lot of things going on with me. Getting some, I don't know if any of you have had this experience, but I love my chart. My chart is my medical chart, and everything goes in there. And especially when I was going through cancer, all your appointments, everything's in there, blah, blah, all your test results. Great. The problem is, is when you have some serious test results come back, as I have this week, and you read them and interpret them your best way you can without medical school. And they're scary, and you have no one to talk to until December 1st when you have an appointment with your oncologist. It really sucks. And I was gonna do my podcast yesterday, and this all happened, and I just it threw me off. So as soon as I know the news, I will let you know the news. But right now, there's no new news. So we're just gonna run with that and live our best life. I I don't know what else to do. Um, but today we are diving into a big topic: retirement. The dream, the myth, the lifestyle, the thing your 28-year-old co-worker told you you're going to do early, bless their heart. They're going to do early, I should say. Let's talk about pros, cons, and everything in between. So if you're ready to talk about retirement, if you're close, if you're not close, um, I have thoughts. Surprise, I have thoughts. Yeah. I have thoughts. I have my own. Now, now my working career is very different, had a different arc than a lot. Um, I did work my whole youth. I started working when I was 13 at the ice skating rink. I worked in all kinds of jobs. Uh my big career was in the hair industry. I became a hair colorist from that. I went to work for Clarol. Um, top sales did all that. When I met Craig and I got pregnant, I stopped working. I stayed home with my kids, but talk about the quintessential volunteer, that was me. Scouts, school, PTA president, church, you name it. I volunteered so much that I absolutely had a full-time job. Um, did that until Alec was, I believe, a senior in high school. And I got a part-time job with the city of Irvine, working in a children's library in the child care coordination office. And I parlayed that into it, it was a, let's see, I would work 16 hours a week because I worked two days. The library was open from noon till 8 p.m. And I worked two of the days. And then a 32-hour a week position opened up in that office, and I got that, and I loved it. So I ended up working for the city of Irvine for 10 years before I retired officially, and I moved to Chicago. I would still be working at that job if they would have me if we had not moved. Loved my job, loved my coworkers. My co-workers are still my buddies. Every time I go to Irvine, I go visit my office. It's changed a lot. The little library is now gone. That job is over. Uh, but they're moving on to other things. And so that's kind of how my life. So retirement looked a little different to me, but not a lot. You know, I still went from having a job doing things to nothing. When I first retired, though, I retired in March. And those of you that know, we downsized from a very large home to a one-bedroom condo here in Chicago. So Craig was already here. He had come right before I retired. He came and was living here and working a job. And it was my job to stay back, get rid of, pare down, and pack the house. I packed the entire house, got rid of everything, organized the move. It was a full-time job. And I set it up like one. It's probably why I was so successful at it. It went really well. And I can still remember the day driving out with my kitties in the car on our ready for our road trip to Chicago, and the moving truck was right smack dab in front of me. 23 years of living there, and I watched it all drive away. Um, so after that, I got here, and what a shockero. I was retired, had no friends, didn't know where the hell I was, didn't know where anything was, didn't know how to drive in a city, had a lot to learn. So that kept me busy in the beginning. And then retirement set in. And I'm gonna be honest, I didn't do it well the first year was here. I ate too much, I got fat, I wasn't working out, I wasn't happy, thought I was, um loved the city, but didn't know how to make it fit into my life. I got involved with church. I went to the gym. I started losing weight, went to the gym, found a fabulous group of the pool pals who I just love to death, a group of a few men, mostly women, who are my age and older, and are a great support, a great community, and have become my besties and my lifesavers and my everything else. And then I fell in love with Chicago. So it took me a while, but I did it. We've been here three and a half years. This spring will be four years. Love it. Um, we almost bought a two-bedroom condo. You can listen to that podcast a few back. We didn't buy it, might be on my other podcast inside Marcy's mind. I can't remember which one I did it on. We're still in our one bedroom, and I'm happy. You know what? I'm happy. The added financial stress that the two-bedroom unit was gonna bring isn't something that I want. And that's one of the things we'll talk about in retiring because um financial stress should not be a part of the equation, so you got to work on that. All right, so let's talk about the good stuff. Time is yours now. Suddenly, you have something you haven't had since you were six years old. Free time. But unlike being six, you don't have a curfew, no one is telling you to be home before the street lights come on, and you decide what counts as breakfast. Absolutely. Absolutely. So your time is yours, and sometimes it's a bit overwhelming, sometimes it's a bit underwhelming, and sometimes it's just perfect. And one of the things that I will talk about with time, and this is something I told somebody Sunday who was retiring, a very busy doctor who's retiring. I said, don't feel bad on days you don't have anything to do. In retirement, you do not have to be productive every single frickin' day. And I think this is where Craig and I, you know, Craig is still working, keeps himself busy. I get my work done around the house, I plan out dinner, I do whatever errands I need to do. I go to the gym. And if I get home at one o'clock in the afternoon and I don't have anything else to do, and I don't want to create work for myself, I'll lay down, I'll read, I'll scroll, I'll watch TV, I'll binge something. Right now I want to watch um looking for Mr. Christmas on Hallmark. I want to be honest. It's um Jonathan Bennett, who I absolutely adore. It's his show on the Hallmark Channel, looking for another um Hallmark Christmas star. And I was hearing about it today, and so that's gonna be my new binge, looking for Mr. Christmas. See, and I don't feel guilty, nor should you. Don't make things up to do. Be productive. Make sure you get that workout in or that walk or whatever. But after that, for God's sakes, give yourself a break. Every day doesn't have to be something monumental. I may craft, I may do something that day, I may not. I may have had plans to craft or create something that day, and I don't. Today, you know what I had planned to do? Color my hair. Guess what I don't want to do today? Color my hair. I'm not going to. Yeah, shocker. I'm not a bleach blonde naturally. Anyways, um, number two, no more work drama. You don't have to hear about it. Debbie's gluten-free cat, Mike's terrible fantasy football decisions, or the person who reheats fish in the office microwave. Now, that person I would murder. Even though HR sent a memo. Again, freedom from all that crap. Now, with that being said, I'm still besties with two of my friends. We talk every week. I get a little bit of that workplace drama, although it's a very drama-free workplace because all the drama has retired. Um, but I enjoy hearing it. I don't want to be in it. Okay. I I don't want to be there when Barbara's touching all the pizza, cutting it up because it needed to be smaller slices and watching Diana lose her mind. I don't miss those days, although I kind of do. I sort of do.
SPEAKER_00:Anyway, um, yeah, no more work drama.
SPEAKER_01:Retirement equals freedom from that break room. Travel, but better. Traveling while retired is very different. No school schedules, no PTO limits, no asking your boss for permission to breathe. Just pack your bags and go. And you know what? If your flight's delayed, you're retired, you've got nothing but time. And all of that is true. All of that is true. Craig and I do most of our um are traveling in the fall or late spring. Uh I try not to travel anything of consequence. I may go visit friends and stuff in the summer or go to the desert because I love the desert in the summer. But none of that is like touring. Um, Craig and I were talking about it the other day. Um, we've done a lot of overseas trips. We've done a fair amount of in-country trips. I really am looking at our next few trips being in-country. I really, there's a lot I want to see. Chicago gives us a whole nother jumping-off point for road trips compared to California. So um I'd like to plan some great road trips. I actually am going on a great road trip in January. I'll be gone for six weeks um driving to the West Coast and hanging out there and doing a cruise and going to the sphere to see the Wizard of Oz for my 65th birthday. As long as whatever these test results show, don't screw me up. So keep your fingers crossed. And if flights are delayed, you just don't care. It is, it is very different. You can pick up new hobbies. Retirement is when people suddenly become bird watchers, pickleball champions, amateur botanists, or God help us all. RV people. My sister and her husband have a trailer and do wonderful trips. I say that jokingly. I would be an RV person if my husband would do it. The problem is he can't drive worth you know what. Only I do all the driving, and I don't think I can handle driving an RV. So as much as I think I would love it, uh, Craig would not. You get to rediscover yourself without corporate deadlines. How? I mean, so far I've given you four really great things to be excited about in retirement. Number five, the sweet joy of saying no. No to events, no to committees, no to meetings that should have been emails. No, Brenda, I cannot help organize the neighborhood hydrangea festival. I'm retired from everything. Okay, so really saying no is a gift to yourself. Please take away stigma and guilt for saying no. And just guess what? No is a complete sentence. Marcy, would you like to? No. I don't need to explain myself. And for God's sakes, ladies, don't apologize for saying no. Just women, take apologizing out of your vernacular. For God's sakes, we apologize for everything. Everything. I want you to count how many times you say I'm sorry in a day. That's pathetic. No, as a complete sentence, people. Yes. Am I guilty of not using it as a complete sentence? Absolutely. But I'm telling you, we can. Okay. Our next part. The cons. Because if you have pros, you always have to have cons. Because nothing in life is free. So unfortunately, the number one is you still have to be a dang adult. Oh, please notify the marketing department of retirement because they forgot to tell us you still do chores, you still buy groceries, you still have to feed yourself every day. Shocking. And retirement doesn't come with a butler. Yep. It's all stair here waiting for you. But the beauty is you can set your own schedule. And I do have a schedule for doing laundry because I like to get it done on one day. So I don't have to think about it all week. So Friday is my laundry day, Friday's my cleaning the house day, Friday's my no-go-to-the-gym day. Um, what else? Yeah. These are things you have to do. Now, if you retired right and you got enough money, you can pay people to do all that for you. I did not quite plan that well. But a one-bedroom condo doesn't take a lot of time to keep clean because we keep it clean all the time. Doesn't take long time to clean. It also um we can walk out the door when we travel, shut the door, not worry about it. I have a rover, a gal that takes care of my cats when we travel. So, you know what? It's pretty good. But you do still have to be an adult. You do have to keep the social calendar. You go from 40 coworkers to the same three people asking you if you want to meet for lunch. But you do you do need to keep a social calendar. You need to do things. Um, keep yourself busy. If you're the first one to retire, half your friends are still working. So meet them for lunch. Every day can feel the same. Yes, it can. But you're in charge, right? It's not like a boss telling you you have to do the same thing every day. If every day's the same, that's your fault. You wake up and ask, what day is it? Now, this is a fact Tuesday, Sunday, or Monday. The calendar becomes a mystery thriller. You know, um, I don't do it anymore, but I used to keep my pills in day of the week containers. And when I first retired, um that was how I knew what day it was. Now I don't keep them in that. And I I know what day it is by the instructor in my aquacs. There's a different instructor every day. Once I see the instructor, I know what day it is. Also, they change the flowers out on Thursdays at the gym. So when I come down, there's a whole bunch of vases of orchids ready for to be picked up for the new flowers coming. So I know it's Thursday. Sunday is church. So there's a few things that give me a hint. Um, two people retiring at once is danger. Um, if you two are both trying to figure out your schedule, if you and your partner are both home 24-7, you suddenly discover all your partner's quirks and they discover yours. I highly do not recommend. Uh, Craig has not retired yet, and that's a good thing because um do you have to breathe like that? I mean, all the things. Are you loading, unloading the dishwasher? What it's all going to become a problem. It's better if one retires and gets their life figured out, and then the second one can retire. And of course, the first one can give them all the advice in the world or tell them to listen to this podcast, one or the other. And then here is the biggest um con of them all. Money. But right now I'm very smartly planning for the day when that ends. I of course we plan to retire at some point and have that plan, but even more so now, I'm really focusing on keeping bills low, keeping things low, even though we have more money, because at some point we won't. Make sure you have enough. You know, make sure you have enough. You can't go back and fix it. You can, if you're, you know, in your 50s, you can still fix some things. Focus on that. You're gonna need money. And if you really can pay off your home, have a home that is paid for. Uh that is the thing that will give you the most peace of mind. That's the thing Craig and I are working on on this condo. 90% of it was paid for people renting it when we owned it for 23 years. We're working on paying off that last part while he's working instead of taking it from our savings. But when Craig says no more work, this will be paid off. Now, the bummer about a condo is you still have association dues. So there is that. But with those association dues come a lot of perks. I get my um all my water, my trash. Um, I pay for electricity. We don't have gas. Um, I also get my my cable. Um, so there are things that come with that. I get safety, I get security, I have front desk, um, I have dorman, uh all those things. So yeah, yeah, we have to pay for it, but we do get some perks from it. Uh very safe building. And safety is very important in retirement and aging. But money, money, money, get it together, make some choices. Uh, one of the things Craig and I are talking about, um, we have a 2018 great car, Honda Clarity. Love it, but it is a 2018. It's got 120,000 miles on it, which again for 2018 isn't horrible. But I think while he's working, is the smart time is to buy our last car. This would probably be the last car because we only need one car here in Chicago and we don't drive very much. Really, doctor's appointments is about it, or going out to the suburbs. So we will put very little miles on a car. So I said to Craig, this would probably be our last car we'd ever buy. And uh so we really want to put a lot of thought into it and thinking about it and uh choose wisely. So that's something we'll be doing in the next six months. Because again, I'd like to have that paid off when he quits. Um, so those are things to think about. Yeah, are you gonna get a new all those things? Cars, insurance, all of it. Look into it. Money is important. All right, so we've talked about the pros, the cons. How about the surprises? Are there things nobody warned us about? You get busier. People think retirement means slowing down. Not really. Not if you're doing it right. Retirees are busy. We're volunteering, taking classes, spending time with our grandkids, running errands, taking care of aging parents could be something. My parents gratefully died before I retired. God love my parents. I miss them. But uh being the youngest kid, I didn't have to deal with that. Suddenly you're busier than when you were working full-time. I hope that's not the truth. Um, find balance. Find balance. Balance is key. If you never found balance in your work life, find it in your retirement life. You can actually like yourself more. And I will agree with this. With space, time and no boss looking over your shoulder, you finally notice I'm kind of fabulous. I did. I am the worst self-talker. I have the worst, I have had the worst self-esteem my whole entire life. If you heard what my head has told me my whole life, you'd be ashamed of me. But I'll tell you, in retirement, I have learned I'm kind of fabulous. I've got a lot of good qualities. I finally can see that I am a good mom. God, I gave myself such a hard time for being a mom, but I'm a dang good mom. And you know what? My adult kids like me. They really do. It took Kyle and I a long time to get on a path where we both are equal and we enjoy each other, and we do. My son and I have always been closer, Alec.
SPEAKER_00:But even Alec sees me as a good person.
SPEAKER_01:So, you know, you'll learn to like yourself more. You'll connect with your creativity, your humor, and your quiet moments. And if you're lucky, you'll forgive yourself for all your screw-ups in your past. You realize you don't need as much as you thought. You don't need 27 pairs of black pants, you don't need a whole closet of work shoes that hurt. Retirement simplifies like nothing else. And I'm working, I've worked on everything. I'm working on the wardrobe part. So give me a little grace there. I'm better than I was, but I could be a lot better in that department. Once again, give yourself grace. You have to reinvent yourself. This is where magic happens. Retirement isn't the end, it's a remix, it's a reinvention. A moment where you ask, what do I want to do for the next 20 or 30 years? What do I want them to look like? I'm still working on that part. You know, I have a rare genetic disorder that I should have died at 50. That's the average life expectancy. I'm turning 65 in January. So there's days where I think I'm living on borrowed time, living on a prayer. And uh there's other times where I think, good God, Marcy, you've made it this long, you're just gonna keep going. So that's a tough one for me, and it may be for you.
SPEAKER_00:The next 10 years, I'd like to have a grandchild.
SPEAKER_01:And that may happen and it may not. And that's okay. But if you ask me what I really want, it's what I really want. I do have lovely nieces and nephews that I love beyond belief. But that little grandchild is a spot in my heart that's empty, and I hope to fill it. Sorry for the emotions. All right. Tips for making retirement fabulous. Have a schedule, at least a loose one. Nothing rigid, but something like Monday errands, Tuesday hobbies, Wednesday rest, Thursday social time, Friday fun. It gives a rhythm without feeling like you're back at work. And I think you may need that in the beginning. I honestly think as time goes on, that rhythm sets itself. But in the beginning, I think it's a really good idea. Keep learning new classes, new skills, new experiences. That's why I do this podcast. Keeps me sharp. You want to stay sharp. Socializing like it's your job. Join groups, clubs, volunteers, meet friends, stay connected. Isolation ages people faster than birthdays do. And that's 100% true. And you know what proved that? COVID. Older people had to be isolated. And it ruined a lot of them. It took away the last good years they had left. Isolation is not good. Get yourself out. I'll tell you one of the benefits of living in a city when you're aging is the minute I'm outside, I'm a part of people. I have to interact. I've got to move, I've got to make my way down the street, bib and bob and ditch and smile at people and say good morning to Dorman and be a part of the world. I guess you could walk through the city and not be a part of it. I can't. So socialize like it's your job. Move your body, walk, swim, stretch. Water aerobics are my favorite, as you all know. You don't have to become a triathlete, but just keep things moving. Craig runs six to seven miles every day. He's gonna run a 10K, the turkey trot, on Thursday. He does it every Thanksgiving since we moved here. Um keep your body moving. I didn't move mine for a lot of years, and I paid dearly for it. It took me a long time to get back into shape, and I'm in really good shape, and I'm really proud of myself. Celebrate the freedom. Oh you've earned this. All those years working, this is the reward. So enjoy it guilt free. I'm gonna say it again. Enjoy it guilt free. All right, retirement isn't perfect, nothing is, but it's an opportunity. An opportunity to live life with intention, joy, humor, and maybe a margarita at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday. Whether you're already retired, think about it. Or I'm so sorry. Whether you're already retired, thinking about it or running full speed toward it, like it's the last open seat on a Southwest flight. Remember this. Aging ain't for sissy, but retirement, that part can be pretty sweet. Thank you for spending time with me today. If you love this episode, share it with a friend who's retired or wishes they were. Please, please, please share Aging Ain't for Sissies. Remember, I have another podcast inside Marcy's mind, and apparently in December I will be dropping a A new podcast called Um Unbottled, All Things Um Sobriety. Until next time, stay sassy, stay curious, and stay fabulous. And go out and do something positive. Oh, yeah. And before I forget, happy Thanksgiving. That's my turkey impression.
