Aging ain't for Sissies

Aging, Editing, And The Joy Of Letting Go

• Marcy Backhus • Season 3 • Episode 1

Share episode

Send us a text

Forget the pressure to reinvent yourself. We’re starting the year by choosing relief over resolutions and building a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more honest. I share a comfort-first plan for a six-week road trip—smart hotel picks, slower pacing, and the joy of clean bathrooms—and use it as a lens for unpacking emotional luggage. From gummy bears to good coffee, the practical choices become metaphors for midlife edits: keep what helps, leave what hurts, and skip the drama you didn’t sign up for.

We take on the heaviest habit of all: relentless self-critique. I talk candidly about weight, medication, old family messages, and the daily work of kinder self-talk. Then we put that compassion into action with boundaries that stick. No can be a complete sentence. You don’t owe a backstory for every decision, whether it’s a travel budget, a deadline you won’t meet, or a plan you’re not comfortable with. When you stop explaining to win approval, you reclaim time, money, and peace.

Friendships get the same thoughtful treatment. Not every ending is a fight; some are edits made with gratitude. We explore how to release connections that take more than they give, while cherishing the people who remain. To guide the year, I offer better questions: What am I done carrying? Which obligations feel heavier than they should? What version of myself am I still performing? Wanting less isn’t failure—it’s wisdom.

Aging isn’t shrinking; it’s editing. Keep what matters and let the rest go. If this season feels lighter, you’re doing it right. If it feels heavy, be patient—clarity will come. If this resonates, tap follow, share it with a friend who needs permission to let go, and leave a review so more listeners can find the show.

SPEAKER_00:

Hello and welcome to Aging In for Sissies. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. Oh, good morning, good morning. It is January 2nd. We're already into day two of 2026. I hope your holidays were everything you wanted them to be or not. Whatever you needed, whatever you wanted, I hope you got it. Spiritually, physically, whatever it was, resting, I hope you got it. This is Friday, the last day of the who knows what day it is of the weeks, weeks. I don't know about you, but the two weeks around the holidays just become one big fat blur. And I decided to create a new podcast during this time, which I did. It is now up. You can get unbottled by Marcy Backis. You can just go on any um anywhere you get your podcast, just put my name in, Marcy Backis, and uh my podcast will come up. I have three now. So very exciting. I have changed my I used to have a website for each of the podcasts, blah, blah, blah, email addresses, none of that. I only have one. Marcybacchusmedia.com is my website. You can get all my podcasts there at Marcybacchusmedia.com. Yes, I'm a media now. Isn't that exciting? And if you want to talk to me, if you want to email me, if you want to be a guest on any of my podcasts, if you know someone that should be a guest, if you have comments, I do get lovely comments from people. You can keep your negative ones to yourself, seriously. Never have gotten one. But those of you negative nailes out there, keep it to yourself or wrap it up in a positive way. Um and you can send that to me at Marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com. So there you have it. Starting the new year as Marcy Bacchus Media. I am also starting the new year on a six-week road trip. I will be recording from the road. I might have some special guests. You just never know. Um, I have all my girlfriends, not all my girlfriends, but I have a group of girls coming into Vegas and also my sister, Cindy. And uh maybe I'll get them on the pod. Who knows? Anyway, um happy 2026. Happy New Year. Well, you know, when when is the when do we stop saying happy new year? Is it like after this weekend, then you don't say it anymore? After yesterday. Hmm, I don't know. It's sunny here in Chicago. It's cold, but it's sunny. It's sunny. Let's see. Oh, and there is the inevitable line around the world's largest Starbucks. I can see that. It's cold out. I'm up in my little palace in the sky and uh happy to talk to all of you. What are we? The heck are we gonna talk about today? Well, we are going to talk about at this stage of life, we are not here to reinvent ourselves. We are here to release what's been weighing us down. I don't know about you, but every time I think I've gotten rid of everything that weighs me down, there's more. And so we're gonna talk about how to let go of things. Um, big goals, big energy, big pressure, you know, all that stuff, all that stuff that's out there. Oh, and here's what I want to say right out of the gate. Right out of the gate. This episode isn't about resolutions, it's about relief. We've already said it, talked about setting our intentions. I hope you did. I set a couple of intentions. I will check in in a month and see how I'm doing on those attention, intentions. Um, because one of the quiet, unexpected gifts of aging is realizing that you don't have to carry everything anymore. And you don't owe anyone a dramatic explanation for putting something down. Sometimes letting go is loud, but most of the time it's quiet and deeply personal. Do you have some things you want to put down this year? There's some things you want to let go of. Well, let's talk about it. Hang in there, we'll be right back. Well, welcome back. Um, hope you had a chance to refresh your your coffee, whatever it is. If you're driving, pay attention to driving. If you are sitting around listening, I hope you're comfortable. Oh, my life right now. Uh, I want to start where I always start with my own life because that's how I make sense of things. I'm about to head out on a long road trip. Yep, six weeks. Got five pounds of cinnamon gummy bears. So road trips hit very differently at this age than they did when we were younger. This isn't about proving anything. It's not about how fast I can get there. It's not about pushing through exhaustion. And I'll tell you, you know, I used to drive up to my mom and dad's from California all the time with my kids, you know. And it was 13 hours if you drove straight through. And I would do that a lot of times. And trust me, that is not happening on this trip. This trip is about comfort, pacing, good coffee, diet coke, gummy bears, cinnamon gummy bears, clean bathrooms, and hotels that don't surprise me in ways I didn't ask for. All right. So, yeah, that's exactly, exactly how I'm going to handle this trip. And I I so my just so you know, the hotels I stay in now while I'm doing a road trip are different than hotels I stay in when you're staying for a long time. But I came across this hotel brand. It's a Hilton, it's TRU. It's uh they're clean, they're new, they're all over the place. They're about a hundred and something bucks a night. Great for a road trip. They're clean, they're safe, their parking is free. Um, they have everything you need, including a breakfast. The negative is a lot of times if you're there on a weekend, you're going to run into the traveling team crowd, if you know who that is. Have you ever seen that? It's the traveling soccer kids, the traveling swim, whatever they are, the traveling team kids and their parents could be at this particular, these this particular brand. But my I will be a Sunday night and then all weeknight. So I am staying my first night in Springfield, Missouri, which means I have to go through Uranus, which is the best fudge on the in the world. It is delicious. It's hysterical, and yes, it's full of Uranus jokes. And it's this whole stop. It's we'll talk about it. We'll talk about it when I do it. But um, then I'm going from Springfield, Missouri to Amarillo, Texas, Amarillo, Texas to Albuquerque, Albuquerque to Flagstaff, and Flagstaff into Vegas. And everywhere there's a true hotel. They're all new, and I'll be staying there. So for me, yes, it's about comfort, pacing, good coffee, diet coke, cinnamon bears, clean bathrooms, and hotels that don't surprise me. And packing for this trip has been revealing because packing is really a conversation with yourself. You're standing there asking, do I actually need this? Then you're asking that question, why do I still own this? And sometimes when you get there, it's like, who was I packing for? This is a really interesting trip because I'm doing a lot. I'm stopping in Vegas, four days there, friends, going out to dinner, hanging out, walking some dogs. Um, you know, it requires a certain amount. Then I'm doing two weeks of traveling around California, visiting friends and family. And, you know, you think you need all these clothes, but then the truth is I'll probably wear my workout clothes all the time. Because that's what I do at home. So there's that. Then I have a one-week cruise to Mexico with my bestie. When I get back from that, I have a week in Arizona seeing friends and things like that. So I'll need clothes for going to lunch and stuff like that. But you don't need as much as you think. And I'm really working hard on this packing part. And you know, sometimes when you're packing, you realize that you've been packing your life the exact same way. Carrying things just in case, holding on to roles, habits, expectations, and even people because I thought I should. So this trip feels a little symbolic to me. I'm moving forward, yes, and I'm also intentionally leaving things behind. Not because they're bad, but because they're heavy. And I don't want to travel that way anymore. Do you have something that's heavy that you're carrying that you want to let go? Let it go. Let it go. My biggest heavy load that I carry is my critique of myself. My criticism, my sometimes hatred for myself. My I'm too this, I'm too that, I'm too loud, I'm too talkative, I'm too fat, I'm too out of shape, I'm too, I'm too. And that's T-O-O. Too much. And I need to let that go. And I have tried and worked years to try to be kinder to myself. And that saying, don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to your best friend. Well, I say things to myself all the time. I would never ever say to anyone else. Why am I so hard on myself? I don't know. Honestly, I think it comes from my mom and my dad. I think my parents were very hard on us. I think our parents my mom, especially, in the looks department. Um I think I carried all that h extra weight I did for years because of my mom. Sorry, mom, but it's true. I finally got that under control. But recently, as I've shared on here, there's a medication I have to take, and it's put a good 10 pounds on me that I get two pounds off, three pounds up, two pounds. It can't it's just and it's weighing on me like it was the 50 pounds I lost. For God's sakes, I'm still 40 pounds down, but I can't seem to be kind to myself. So, how can we change that? I have to do things differently. I have to think about it. I have to, when I am stating those things, I have to um be kinder. I just have to think about it and I have to put me first, and that's what this is about. It's really putting yourself first. So hopefully I'll get some freedom from that. And if you're putting down something heavy, I hope you are because it's a lot like packing, like we said. And it's not because things are bad. This happens to be a bad one. You might have some things that are just too heavy. You don't want to be in charge of the family vacation anymore. I don't know what it is, but if it is for you, let it go. And the next thing we need to let go of is explaining ourselves. One of the biggest things we quietly let go of as we age is the need to explain ourselves. Some of us let go of that, some of us are still holding on to it. If you're still holding on to it, there was a time I felt every decision needed a backstory. Why I couldn't make it, why I changed my mind, why I needed rest, why I didn't want to do the thing. And Craig asked me a lot of questions. It drives me nuts when I say no. And then I end up explaining myself why don't anymore. No, it's a complete sentence. We've talked about that. Because it works better for me, it's enough. Silence is allowed. You don't have to fill every void in a conversation because you feel uncomfortable with what you said. If you stand in your truth and you're saying what you're saying, stand there. Stand in it. This isn't being rude, this is being honest. Aging teaches us that clarity doesn't need validation and peace doesn't need required consensus. When you stop explaining yourself, something incredible happens. You get your energy back. Yep. Yep. Friends are trying to plan a vacation. It's again to Cairo, Egypt. They found a vacation that they're comfortable with, and it costs two times more than the vacation Craig and I found. And it's just trying to figure it all out. And do I have all the answers? No. Do I want to have all the answers? No. Have I used this company before? No. But I have a friend that has and said they were good. Why is it at two-thirds of the price less? I don't know. The everything looks comparable. But I'm just standing in it. This is what I want to do. I'm not willing to spend more for the same thing. Craig and I have some people don't have a budget for travel. We do. And if I use all of that on one trip, what do I have left for other trips? We have a tentative plan to go to Paris. And those of you who know the joke, you know it. If you know, you know. Um to Paris this spring when I get back from my six-week road trip. Um and, you know, I if if we go and we pay a high price for a trip, we won't have the money for Paris. It will use our full budget. So, you know, no, I'm not doing the other one. And they also um he gave us a deadlight of January 4th. Well, my God, I just started my year. I'm trying to figure things out. I can't make a$10,000 trip decision in a couple of days. So I won't be making that decision, Bob. If you're listening to this, I appreciate you trying to figure this out. But uh, like Craig and I said, we just can't make a decision that fast. I know you need to have your whole year planned in advance. Um, I don't. So no. There you go. And did you hear me? I explained. But trying to be kind. Anyways, um work on that. I am. I'm always a work in progress. Letting go of certain people without making them the villain. I've already done this in my life. So if you're my friends and listening, if you were hoping I was gonna let you go, I'm not. You're stuck with me. You signed a lifelong contract. And uh, if you're old friends that are listening, I may have let go. Um, I've really cleared my life of negative people. Not every relationship ends because something went wrong. Some end because they no longer fit the life you're living, and that's true. And it's certainly not true if you are one of my friends listening far and wide. This has been a rough year for me getting back to people. So, Tammy and Joan, if you're listening, I love you both and would love nothing more than to do a girls' trip. My life has just been crazy. And Jan Varant, same with you. I love you to death. You are my friend. I just haven't gotten back to too many people this year. Oh, we'll see. So, but other than that, in my life, I have culled those friendships. I have, if something wasn't working for me, I let it go. And not necessarily in a negative way. And it can be confusing that a friendship can just end for women because we're taught that loyalty means endurance. Well, that's not true. And you know what? You may let go of a friend for a certain reason, nothing negative, just that it's not suiting you. And guess what? You may not be suiting them, and you may be doing them a favor. Sometimes letting go looks like not calling back, not scheduling the lunch, and not forcing the connection. And for my girlfriends that I just mentioned, none of that is true. That is happening just out of life circumstance. There's no fight, there's no big blow up, just an honest recognition that the relationship takes more than it gives. That can happen with family too. There isn't bitterness, there isn't discernment, there isn't anything. It just ends. You're not obligated to keep every chapter of your life open. Some chapters close, just like a book. You close a chapter, you don't go back to it. Some people weren't were met for a season, and that season can end with gratitude instead of guilt. I look back on some ended friendships with fondness. And for the time that that person was in my life, it was really awesome. Do I miss them occasionally? Yes. But was it the right decision? Absolutely. All right. So moving on, new year, different questions. So here we are, January. Instead of asking, what should I add this year? I think a better question is, what am I done carrying? What expectations feel outdated? What obligations feel heavier than they should? What version of yourself are you still trying to perform? Oh my God. That is such a good question. What version of yourself are you still trying to perform? I don't know. I I have that that clicked a thought for me, and I'm gonna keep it to myself, but it I hope it clicked a thought for you. What version of yourself are you still trying to perform? Wow, that was heavy for me. And we'll we'll talk about it on another subject. This year doesn't need to be a vision board, it just needs to be honest. What do you want your days to feel like? Not impressive, not productive, but livable, peaceful, and real. Wanting less isn't failure, it's wisdom. So why is letting go such a gift? This is the part I love the most. When you let go, slowly and quietly, you create space. And space invites better things in. More laughter, more rest, deeper conversations, more joy without effort. Aging isn't about losing yourself, it's about refining yourself. Yourself. We're not shrinking. We're editing. I want to say that again. We're not shrinking our lives. We're not closing in. We're editing, keeping what matters and releasing what doesn't. And that, my friends, is not sadness. That's freedom. That is not sadness. That's freedom. So as this new year unfolds, 2026, I hope you give yourself permission to quietly let go. No announcement, no apology, no guilt. Just a soft release of what no longer fits the life you're building now. If this season feels lighter, you're doing it right. If it feels heavy, be patient. Clarity will come. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. And remember, aging ain't for sissies, but it comes with some beautiful gifts. Go out and do something positive.

Head Shot

Marcy Backhus

Host