How To Break Out Of A Stagnant Life

We tell the truth about how easy it is to slide from comfort into stagnation and why “I’m fine” can be a mask for boredom, fear, and loneliness. We push for intentional aging with small, brave actions that build momentum, expand your world, and make this chapter feel like yours again. 
• why stagnation often looks normal and quiet 
• “stagnant water gets murky” as a gut-check for daily life 
• the difference between resting and rotting 
• how fear pretends to be comfort and keeps your world small 
• putting fun on the calendar so it actually happens 
• asking better questions: what do I like, what do I want, who do I choose 
• small brave steps that count: classes, walking groups, solo outings, new skills 
• why confidence comes after action and momentum changes everything 
If this spoke to you, share it with someone who's been sitting on the sidelines of their own life a little too long. Now go do that thing. Not someday, not this week. For heaven's sakes, use the good China. 

Transcript

Welcome And The Wake Up Call

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Well, hello, and welcome back to Aging A for Sissies. My name is Marcy, and I am your host. You know what? That Aging Ape for Sissies is my first podcast. That was my first music I ever chose, and it is still my favorite. I love that music. I don't know what it is. It makes me happy, it makes me feel good. Hope it does you too. I want to welcome you back where we tell the truth about getting older, laugh when we can, complain when necessary, and sometimes when it's not necessary, and refuse to act like life is just over, is over just because our knees occasionally sound like a bowl of rice krispies. I have certainly had that week. I am Marcy, and around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally. And today we are talking about something I think a lot of people need to hear. Maybe not you, of course, because you are clearly very evolved and emotionally available and doing Pilates on a mountaintop. But maybe someone you know might need to hear this. But today we're talking about not getting stagnant. So it's so important. It's so important. So we're gonna we're gonna talk about it. Um, not sitting still in your life, not letting fear, routine, comfort, age, or well, I've always done it this way, become the boss of you. Because here's the truth, and I'm gonna say it with love. You have one life, just one. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is not a soft opening, not a preview night where you can work out the kinks and come back later with better lighting. This is it, people. And as I sit here, time is passing. Not in a scary, depressing, let's stare at the clock and panic kind of way, but in a wake up, sweetheart kind of way. Because the years do not slow down because we're comfortable. The calendar does not say, oh, Marcy isn't ready to try something new. So let's pause aging. Nope. The calendar is rude. It's flipping pages faster than sand in an hourglass. So today we're going to talk about how to shake yourself awake a little bit, how to get out of that comfort zone, and how to start doing things, trying things again, wanting things again, because stagnant water gets murky. Let me say that again to you. Stagnant water gets murky. And we are not here to become emotional pond scum. No, ma'am. We are here to live.

Chicago Moves And New Routines

SPEAKER_01 2:56

So before we get into it, obviously this theme came to me because I am living my best life here in Chicago. And sometimes I'm angry at myself for letting life pass me by, and I did. Maybe not as much as others, but Craig and I are living a much more meaningful, fulfilled, well-rounded life in Chicago. We are doing all kinds of things. I am stepping out of my comfort zone. And I thought, you know, damn it, this is a perfect topic for my podcast. This last week has been great because why? The weather in Chicago has been great. And it's the great awakening, I call it. As of this week, um, this week the moving truck came to California four years ago and took me out of a life that I thought was good, bringing me to a place I was scared to death to go. So, see, I I do step out of my comfort zone a lot. Craig and I moved to, we lived in Europe, Texas. I've moved a lot. I've stepped out of my comfort zone a lot. It's not something I'm unfamiliar with, but I still think I could have stepped out more in a lot of ways. Um, but that moving truck came and I followed it out of Koto to Casa, went out those gates one last time, and I've never looked back. The cats and I drove across the country. We stopped in Colorado because Alec had just moved there for four days. I remember the hotel room we were in. Patrick would sit in the window, and there were a bunch of magpies that would come and yell at him. It was pretty funny. And then I got here to this condo and it was 100% empty, and the cats and I came in and I had brought a blow-up mattress. Craig was living out at his mom's house because she had moved into an uh assisted living, and he had gotten here before me so he could start his job. But the cats and I figured it out. The moving truck came, all the stuff came, and we started a life here that my gosh has been nothing but wonderful. I even had cancer here, and I'm still telling you, it's been a wonderful place to live. Best medical treatment I've ever received in my life has been here. So I can't complain. I have wonderful friends. Craig and have a wonderful life this week. Speaking of that, um, let's see. Monday was a holiday. I went to the gym, which in a million freaking years, if you had told me I was gonna be a gym rat, I would have told you no. But five days a week, there I am. Not only do I do my aqua sculpt, I now do a full body workout and have a trainer. So again, go figure. But that's what I did Monday. Came home. Craig and I had some lunch and then off. We put the bikes in the car. Not as easy as we thought it was gonna be. I bought this car strictly for our bikes, but we now have it down. So now we can pop the bikes in the car and go anywhere. But we rode to um South Chicago. Yes, that's South Chicago, um, lakefront. And uh the thing, if you don't know this about Chicago, it has 18 miles of lakefront, uninterrupted public land, not like California, where people put all their damn houses on it. You can see the lake, you can ride. There's a trail, there's an 18-mile trail along the lake. But we we went down to where the new Obama Presidential Center is going to be opening next month on Juneteenth, and uh wanted to see that. It's spectacular. Did some riding around that area. There's some lakes and some lagoons, and then we went out on the lake front and rode our bikes. Let me tell you something. Um, I bought a bike uh three years ago. We rode quite a bit the first year, the second year, last year we did not because it just has gotten too dangerous around here to ride bikes. It's the the bike path is so full up in this area where I live, and everybody's riding so fast. And and the nice thing about the lakefront, it has two paths. It has a walking path and a bike path. Not like Newport Beach, where it's all one. We have both, and those frickin' people still walk or walk across the bike path. So down south, the reason we went south is because it's not nearly as crowded, much safer to ride. But I got on that bike and it took me a hot minute to get my sea legs back. And that is what we're talking about today. Don't be stagnant. I got on that bike and I thought, holy crap, I know I can ride a bike, but am I going to be comfortable? Well, by the end of the afternoon, I was feeling as comfortable as a kid riding to the corner store. But I had to get out of my comfort zone to do that. But that wasn't the only thing we did this week. Then Tuesday I worked out with my trainer. I had a class, uh, another class. And then we went on a walking tour with our 60s, 70s group here in Chicago of some of the fabulous buildings here. I mean, the architecture in Chicago, every building has a story. Every building is phenomenal in its own right way. A woman designed it a this, a that. It looks like it was designed to look like the carbine building, it was designed to look like a champagne bottle, and the top of it is real gold. Everything. So we did that. We had this long, beautiful walking tour. But before that, we had met our friend Anne on the rooftop of the London house, had rooftop charcuterie overlooking the river, seeing all the bridges. It just, this is a life that is not a life I ever expected to have, but I am privileged to have it. I am privileged to live in the city of Chicago, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let it pass me by. That's just one of the things. I went to the movies yesterday. I saw Mandalorian and Grogu, loved it. Um, then that night in our building, we have a movie theater here in our building, and every Thursday night is movie night, and we saw a movie with Philip Seymour Hoffman from 2007. It was dark, it was exhausting, but it was so well acted. It was really good. Something about before the devil knows you're dead, something like that. Anyways, it was a family story and it was it was fine. And today I'm getting a facial. I joined a place called um Clean Your Dirty Face. For $110 a month, I get as many facials as I want, 30-minute facials. Um, and then they have add-ons if you want them. So I had one last week, I'm getting one this week. Uh, very excited about that. They did a great job. They made you feel very special. And it's not a spa experience, but let me tell you, uh, if I can have somebody take care of my face all month for 110 bucks, that's money well spent. So that's kind of what's been going on in my life. Craig and

Put Summer Plans On The Calendar

SPEAKER_01 10:15

I have all our summer concerts down or summer movies in the park. They're all on the calendar because if you're not intentional, it's not going to get done. So we go through um in in Chicago, we have the Pritzker um pavilion down in Millennial Park. Um, you've probably heard of Millennial Park and the Great Bean and all that. Well, we have the beautiful Pritzker um concert there. And um the front seats, the front part of the concert seats are paid and reserved. The rest of it is open seating. It's um the city parks, open seating. So Carrie and I get there about an hour early. We grab a sandwich here at our um Italian deli in our building. We have a little dinner and then we listen to the concert. First concert this season is gonna be Wednesday, June something, 9th. And it is West Side Story. So very excited. But if you don't put things on your calendar, you don't do them. Even if they're free, even if they're concert in the park or movies in the park, go through your summer schedule and get them on the calendar. That is what I'm gonna tell you before we get through and what talk about what stagnant means. But get them out there, get them on your calendar, figure out your summer. If you can't afford to go on a vacation, there is all kinds of free stuff to do. Put it on your calendar. All righty then. Stagnant.

Resting Versus Rotting

SPEAKER_01 11:39

What does it mean when I say stagnant? Because stagnant doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes stagnant looks like I'm fine. You know what fine stands for, right? Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotion. I'm fine. That's what you're telling people. You're fucked up. You know? I mean, know that. Oh, the famous I'm fine. I'm fine can mean, besides what I just told you, using the F-word. Sorry if I offended anybody's ears, but I have a foul mouth. I'm fine can mean I'm bored, I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm uninspired, I'm tired, I don't know what I want anymore, I've gotten too comfortable. I'm waiting for someone else to make my life interesting. It can mean all of those things. And listen, I get it. There are seasons in life where routine is comforting. And I think that's part of this problem that I'm talking about today, because I think when we had the kids at home, we were in a routine and it was comforting. And they had this event and that event, and you were doing and going. And if you were working, you were working. And I didn't work until um Alec was a senior in high school. But there was a routine, and and routine is comforting. There are seasons where we need peace. There are seasons where staying home, watching our shows, and wearing elastic waistbands feels like a spiritual practice. That's all fine. I'm fine with all that. Trust me, I just gave you a fabulous week, and I didn't even tell you everything I did. But there are plenty of weeks, especially in the winter, where I come home. I get on my comfy clothes after the gym, I crawl in bed, and I watch TV all afternoon. I mean, I'm not saying I am living this exotic life all the time. What I'm saying is we need balance. Because there is a difference between resting and rotting. Let me say that again. There is a difference between resting and rotting. Resting restores you, rotting shrinks you. And I'm gonna say that again. Resting restores you, rotting shrinks you. Resting says, I need a break. Rotting says, I don't do anything anymore because I've convinced myself it's too late. I'm too old. And this is where we have to get honest because sometimes we call it comfort, but what we really mean is fear. Fear of looking silly, fear of starting over, fear of being bad at it.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

I thought of another thing that fine sometimes means.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

It means I've stopped expecting anything interesting to happen to me. And that's what we're not doing. Not here, not on this podcast, not in this season of life, because we are not finished people. We are not leftovers, we are not waiting for life to wind down like the credits at the end of a movie. We are still in the movie, people, and don't and I don't know about what the next scene is gonna look like, but I know I want it to be wonderful. And so I don't say this to be depressing. I say it because sometimes we need a little loving slap from reality. We are losing time as we sit here. Every day we wait, every day we postpone, every day we say, maybe later, like later gets smaller. That doesn't mean we panic. It means we wake up. There's a difference. There, this is not about becoming frantic. This is not about a bucket list, this is not about aggressively getting our life going. This is about realizing that time is not unlimited. And maybe the thing you keep saying you want to do, you need to do it. Get it on the calendar, give it it space. Maybe the place you keep saying you want to visit, maybe it's the time to actually look at flights, maybe that class you keep thinking about needs to be signed up for. Maybe you'll be the oldest person in the room. Who cares? Maybe that friendship you miss, connect again. Maybe it's time to send that text. Maybe that apology, that conversation, that boundary, that new haircut, that new hobby, that new chapter. Maybe it's time because someday is not a plan, people. Someday is where dreams go to take a nap and never wake up. Someday is where it gets stagnant. Someday is where you rot. And listen, I'm all for naps, but not for your life. The comfort zone is comfortable for a reason. Let's give the comfort zone its due. The comfort zone feels safe. It's familiar. It doesn't ask much of us. You know what to expect. You know where the potholes are, you know where the grocery aisle is that has cereal. You know which restaurants you that won't give you food poisoning. You know which people won't challenge you. You know what your days look like. And there is peace in that.

How Comfort Quietly Shrinks Life

SPEAKER_01 16:56

But there can also be a quiet shrinking. And that's the part we need to talk about. Because the older we get, the easier it can be to make our world small. We stop driving at night. Then we stop going places alone. Then we stop trying new restaurants. We stop traveling. We stop saying yes. Then we stop inviting people over because the house isn't perfect. Then we stop dressing up because where am I going? And I talked about that last week on my other podcast, inside Marcy's mind. I have all these clothes in my closet and I stopped getting dressed to do things because it just was easy to go in what I had on already. I've stopped that. I now look in my closet and change my clothes if I'm leaving out of the house. I don't wear my gym clothes everywhere anymore. Then we stopped learning because I'm not good with technology. Oh, if I hear that from one more old person, I'm gonna slap somebody silly. Then suddenly our whole life is about errands, appointments, television, and complaining about parking. And listen, parking deserves some complaints, especially here in downtown Chicago. But parking cannot be the main plot line in your life. Weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather cannot be the plot line of your life, people. It's what I love about my girlfriends here. Do we talk about weather occasionally? Yes. Do we talk about parking occasionally? Yep. But we talk about so much more because yes, things change, bodies change, energy changes, responsibilities change. But change does not mean we are done. It does not mean we adapt, it means we do things differently. If this sounds like I am trying to encourage you, if it sounds like I'm standing on a soapbox, it's because I am. I am passionate about this, people. My life is changed for the good here in Chicago. And I want yours too, too. And honestly, 4:30 is better because you can be home by six. If you want to meet and start dinner at 4:30, go ahead. This is what I call growth: getting out and doing things.

Reintroduce Yourself To Yourself

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Reintroduce yourself to yourself. One of the reasons people become stagnant at their age is because they forget they are allowed to evolve. You aren't done evolving. We build identities over decades. I'm the mom, I'm the wife, I'm the husband, I'm the worker, I'm the caregiver, I'm the responsible one, I'm the one who keeps everything together, I'm the one who doesn't make waves. I'm the one who always says yes. And then life shifts. Kids grow up, careers change, parents pass, bodies change, marriages evolve, friendships shift, retirement happens, and suddenly you're standing there thinking, who the hell am I? And that question can feel scary. But it can also be exciting people because maybe is the first time in a long time that you get to ask, what do I actually like? What do I want to learn? Where do I want to go? What do who do I want to spend my time with? What kind of person do I want to be in this chapter? And I'm going to tell you something. I am not spending time with people I don't want to spend my time with. What would make you feel alive again? Not useful, not productive, not needed. You need to get that out of your vocabulary. This part of life, we don't need to be useful. We don't need to be productive, and we don't need to be needed. Speaking of productive, it was last Friday. I forget what it was. It was a day, maybe it was Friday. Yeah, it was Friday. I last Friday I got up, did all the laundry, cleaned the house, met Craig for lunch, came home, crawled in bed, watched some TV, knew I had to get up and go to my AA meeting that night. Craig came home from work and said, So what'd you do the rest of the day? I said, You're looking at it. I said, What more did I need to do? I did the laundry, I cleaned the house, I went out to lunch. I'm going to a meeting tonight. What else did I need to do? Now he wasn't saying it to be mean. He's saying it because Craig has been unconnected from me for a very long time and he's trying to connect. And I get that. But I am never, and he wasn't trying to shame me. I was shaming myself in my head for not doing anything in the afternoon. Well, God, I did enough that day. So, reintroducing yourself to yourself. We talked about all the ways we can do that, the questions we need to ask. What do I actually like? What do I want to learn? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to spend my time with? Don't forget those questions. Do not forget because we know how to organize. Cook, manage, fix, schedule, remind, support, and keep everybody else from falling apart. But being alive, do we know how to do that? Being curious, do we remember? Playful, bold. We got rusty in all of that. And maybe this chapter is about oiling those hinges a little. Oil can, oil can. Maybe this chapter is about saying, I'm not just who I was, I am who I am becoming.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

And doesn't that sound better? I guess.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

I just lost my train of thought there, people. I'm sorry. Doesn't that sound better than I guess this is it? This is it? This is it? No, ma'am, this is not it. This is a chapter, and the chapter can turn. We're not gonna talk about my I'm not doing my segment this week on I'm not doing that. Because I'm not getting stagnant, is what I'm not doing this this lifetime. And I want you to know that small brave brave things count. Small brave things do count. I can prove I'm alive by walking into a new Pilates class and surviving the instructor saying, now engage your core. You can do it. You can go into a water aerobics class not knowing a certain soul and end up with a life that you've only dreamt of. I'm living proof. Getting out of your comfort zone does not have to be dramatic. It can be small. It can be talking to someone that you know in your building or in your neighborhood that you haven't talked to before. It can be practical, it can be quiet, it can be something like trying a new restaurant, going to a movie alone. I just did that yesterday, taking a class, joining a walking group. There's the walking girls of Chicago. You can just show up and walk with them. And it started with like 10. Now on days they have 50 to 100 girls out there walking the city of Chicago. Call a friend you haven't talked to in a long time. Is there somebody in your life that you thought, I would like to get to know them? Ask them out to lunch. That's how I became friends with Debbie and Mary. I asked them out to lunch. I wasn't working, they were working full-time. I wanted to get to know them better. Your world can expand at any age. Young people are allowed to change. Young people are allowed to try things. Young people are allowed to make mistakes and reinvent themselves. So are you. So are you. You can become braver. You can learn technology, you can change your mind. You can start over, you can travel and you can heal. You can do anything you want to do. You are better at it now. You have experience in life. Because at 30, a lot of us were exhausted, underpaid, overcommitted, and wearing questionable pants. Yes, stirrup pants. Whoa. This season can be different. You're wiser. It can be freer. It can be more intentional. What would actually make this life feel like mine? Ask yourself that question.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

Stop worrying about looking foolish. Looking foolish is not fatal.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

You may take a class and discover your left foot has filed for separation from your right foot in a dance class. So what? Laugh, learn, try again. Who cares? And trust me, if you haven't gone to the gym lately, nobody gives a crap what you look like. They're all worried about what they look like. So go to the gym, throw on those raggedy shorts. You don't have to get a fancy outfit. Go do it. Get in the pool. I think we have. Wait, and honestly, at this age, we've earned the right to be a little ridiculous. I think we have. People don't expect a lot out of us. We're kind of invisible. So use that to your advantage. Stop waiting. I'll do this when I'm ready. I'll start when I feel confident. I'll go when I know more. I'll try. I am the queen of having to know what I'm walking into. I have to know where I'm going to park when I drive somewhere. I am the queen of having to know how what the outcome is. And I've learned to let that go when I can. But confidence usually comes after action, not before it. Think about that. Confidence. You can't get confidence before something. You get it after. You don't get brave by sitting around and thinking brave thoughts. You get brave by doing something with shaky hands. You get brave and you get unstuck by doing something badly, awkwardly, slowly. Get out there because movement creates momentum and momentum changes everything. Give yourself some grace because grace changes everything. I want you to take that trip, start researching that class, look up that schedule. Call that friend, send that text. You may never feel fully ready. Do it anyway. Ready is overrated, alive is better.

Practical Steps And Final Challenge

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Here's a few practical ways to get unstuck. Change one routine this week. Say yes to an invitation. Put one dream on your calendar. Learn one thing. Learn a new feature on your phone. I've talked about that in multiple. Learn a makeup trick. Look up how to put makeup on an old face. Learn a podcasting skill. Find a better way to use your calendar. Also do one thing alone this week. Go to lunch alone. Go to a movie alone. Go shopping alone. Go to a lecture alone. Move your body differently. That's why I've been doing water aerobics and I still do it five times a week, but I added weights. Add some yoga into your routine. Walk. Find a walking group. Learn a language. Clean out a stagnant corner. Clean out a drawer. Call yourself out loving. Excuse me, lovingly. Stop telling yourself too you're too old or you're too scared. Start saying motivational things. I want to say this clearly. You are not out of time, but you are not on unlimited time either. And that is not meant to scare you. It's meant to focus you. We are in our final act, people. This is our final act of life. It's the final act of the theater. It's the final act of the movie. Sometimes the final act is the longest act. Doesn't mean it's short. Get out there. Do it. I don't know what my cats are doing this morning. Oh, there is still a lot of life to live. Perfect is a scam. Perfect is where joy goes to be delayed. Can you hear him yakking away? Live now. Live it with the wrinkles. Live it with the knee brace. Live it on the budget. Live it with the imperfect house, the complicated family, the fur fear, the uncertainty, and the extra 10 pounds. When the reading glass is on your head while you're looking for your reading glasses, live now because now is what we have. And enough is now is enough to start a new beginning. All right, I've talked a lot today. I usually give you a commercial about all my other segments. I want you to know the people around you may not get it and they don't have to. This is about you. Don't be available for things you don't want to be available. Put things on your calendar. Get it together, people. What are you waiting for? So let me ask you now before I finish this podcast, what are you waiting for, really? Not the polite answer, not the practical answer, not the honest one. Are you waiting to feel thinner, younger, braver, richer, more organized, less tired, more confident, less judged, more supported? Are you waiting for someone else to give you permission? Are you waiting for your spouse to want the same things? Forget it. Craig has his things, I have mine. I don't, I'm not waiting for that. And we found a few things we like together, like riding bikes. Don't wait for your children to approve. Don't wait for your best friend to approve. I want you to make one small forward motion towards a less stagnant life this week. One call, one walk, one class, one yes, one no, one reservation, one registration, and one honest conversation. I want you to take one brave little step. That's all. Start there. That's it, people. That's what I want. If you listen last week, we talked about how count complicated everything has become the apps, the passwords, the QR codes, the customer services maze, and the fact that apparently we need to log in to buy a sandwich. And I still stand by my previous position. I am not downloading another app just to order soup. But here's the connection: sometimes we let the fact that things are complicated create an excuse to stop trying. And I don't want that. Give yourself that permission slip. Get going. My friends, that's our episode for today. If this spoke to you, share it with someone who's been sitting on the sidelines of their own life a little too long. And then I want you to do something. Not just think about it, not just nod while you're folding your laundry while you're thinking about what you're gonna do. Do it. I want you to get out. I want you to be unstuck. I want you to be unstagnant. One thing that makes this world a little bigger, one thing that reminds you, I'm still here, I'm still growing, and I'm still allowed to live. Because around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally. And I want you to intentionally do not let fear, routine, or other people's expectations steal the life we have still in front of us. I'm Marcy, that's Patrick, and this is Aging A for Sissies. Now go do that thing. Not someday, not this week. For heaven's sakes, use the good China.