The Aging Survival Guide: Surviving the Doctor

We turn “surviving the doctor’s office” into a practical skill, because nobody teaches us how to be a good patient even though healthcare gets more complex with age. We share the mindset shift that changes everything: the doctor knows medicine, but we know our bodies, so we speak up and ask until we understand.

• laughing at the realities of aging and nonstop appointments 
• becoming the CEO of our own healthcare across multiple specialists 
• treating the doctor as a partner who works with us 
• dropping embarrassment and asking for plain language 
• using one key question: “Can you help me understand why?” 
• building a doctor visit survival kit with questions, meds, glasses, and notes 
• navigating portals, paperwork, and health systems that do not connect 
• keeping medication lists accurate and using one pharmacy when possible 
• asking five high impact questions, considering second opinions, and knowing when to call 

On my website, marcybackhusmedia.com, I'm going to have a doctor's visit survival kit for you.

Transcript

Welcome And Summer Survival Guide

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello and welcome to Aging A for Sissies. My name is Marcy Backis and I am your host. I finally found my best recording of that. I think it got things got messed up, but I'm liking the length of that one. It's my favorite out of all my podcasts. It was my first choice for my first podcast, and I love that. So I want to say hello to everyone and welcome you back to Aging Eight for Sissies, the podcast where we laugh, learn, and remind ourselves that every week that growing older may not be for sissies, but it can be an adventure. All right. And I'm really glad that you're here. If you're joining me for the first time, welcome. And if you've been with me since the last week, then thank you for coming back as we continue our special 10-week summer series, the aging survival guide. And last week's episode, we talked about surviving retirement. And every week we're opening another chapter in the guide None of Us Received When We Turned 60. Okay, so I'm trying to write the guide for you. At the end of all this, I'll have something that you can download if you want. But um last week we talked about surviving retirement, how leaving a career isn't just about money, it's about identity, purpose, creating a life you

Why Doctor Visits Feel Overwhelming

SPEAKER_00 1:19

love. Today we're opening chapter two. My favorite chapter, actually. Surviving the doctor's office. Now, before anyone says, Marcy, that sounds depressing, stay with me. This episode isn't about illness, it's about becoming your best advocate. Because here's the truth we spend years learning how to be good employees, good parents, good spouses, good neighbors. But almost nobody teaches us how to be a good patient. And there's a problem. And if anybody is an expert at being a patient, I fall into that category. Those of you that know me know I've had more than my share of medical issues. So I am coming to this from a place of knowledge. All right. You know you're getting older when, right? Can we laugh for just a minute? You know you're getting older when your calendar has more medical appointments than lunch dates. You know all the receptionists by their first names. Your pharmacist at pharmacist asks about your vacation. You have specialties for body parts that you didn't even know you had specialties, that you needed specialties or had specialties. Your medication list needs its own stapled attachment. And every appointment begins exactly the same way. Step on the scale. Really? Could we maybe talk first? Maybe buy me dinner. Nope. Straight to the scale. Then comes the blood pressure. Hmm, is your blood pressure always that high? That's like, no, it's not. I'm stressed out. I'm here. Or I have to do mine on my wrist for medical reasons. And if they don't let me put my wrist up above my heart, mine will be high. I'm like, I asked to put my hand up and you said I didn't need to. If we redo it while my hand's up, I guarantee it'll be lower. She'll say, Oh, look at that. It is lower. There in line is what we're going to talk about today. You know yourself better than Nurse Cutie Pants or Nurse Ratchet. You know yourself. Then comes temperature pulse. Someone asks you to confirm your birthday. How many times do they ask you to confirm your birthday is insane. Which is funny. After 60 years, I promise 65 years, actually, I promise, I know when I was born, but I know they're figuring out if we're the person we say we are. Whatever.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

I'll confess something.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

There have been doctors' appointments where I walked out to my car, sat there, started the engine, and suddenly remembered I forgot to ask the one thing I came in here for. It's kind of like going to the grocery store yesterday and returning at Whole Foods. Um we got bags from Amazon, Amazon tall kitchen trash bags, and they were all cut wrong. You couldn't use any of them. So I returned them and then I proceeded to shop and walk out without trash bags, right? So there you go. And we do that. You rehearse your questions all week, you get called into the room, the doctor walks in, you chat, you answer questions, and they stand up and say anything else, and your brain says, Nope. Five minutes later, oh, that's what I needed to ask him. We've all been there. We've all been there.

Becoming The CEO Of Your Care

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Nobody warned me that getting older meant becoming the CEO of my own health care. Think about it. Years ago, many of us had one family doctor. The doctor knew everything: your history, your medications, your family's history, your family's medications. And today we have a primary care doctor, and this is no lie. I'll tell you what I have. Okay. I have an oncologist, I have a primary care doctor, I have an oncologist, I have a radiology oncologist, I have a rheumatologist, I have an infectious disease doctor, I have a hematologist, I have oh god, what else? I have more allogists than I need. I have a hand surgeon. Oh, I have a um shoulder guy, I have a hand guy, uh and they are not the same. What else do I have? Anyways, I have enough. Oh, physical therapist too. I don't I just found out yesterday. Oh, I have a dentist, dermatologist, eye doctor. And whoever thought that your eyes and your teeth need a different insurance than your whole body? When did that happen, people? And why? All right. The one thing I did find out is I don't have a have a gynecologist anymore. No more pap smears after age 65. Whoop, whoop. Something to be happy for. But I do get to go get a colonoscopy, so whatever. And sometimes they're all in different health systems. Now, I am very blessed here in Chicago. All of my doctors are in the UIC system, every single solitary one of them, and all of them, except for one hand surgeon that I don't see anymore. I see actually a friend of mine as a hand surgeon, and he happens to be in UIC. But I I've loved all my doctors, and that is a first for me. Oh, I also have a vascular doctor. Excuse me. I don't think they're called a vascularist, but whatever. And sometimes, you know, you just think, guess who who's I don't know. We are just the CEO of all of that. We become the communication department. Nobody warned us that we needed to keep track of everything ourselves. Now I'm gonna tell you something. If you can keep all of your stuff into one center, I have a my chart that keeps everything together.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

I've been able to add a lot of things. I don't know, I'm hearing a weird noise. I'll be right back. Well, that was no big deal.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

It was just something vibrating on the dryer. So the funny thing is, having a small living quarters or a fairly small living quarters, you hear things and things are right near you. Anyways, um oh, I was talking about all our doctors. So we have all kinds of doctors. Here's something I had to learn. The doctor works for me. Now, that doesn't mean I'm bossy or rude. Doctors have a very difficult job these days. They're under enormous pressure, appointments are short, paperwork is endless. But here's what it does mean. I deserve to understand my own health care. If I don't understand, I ask again. If I need something, I explain, explain differently, I ask. If I'm uncomfortable, I say so. If something doesn't feel right, I speak up. This isn't being difficult, this is being responsible. And I will tell you, I have all of my doctors listen to me. My biggest problem is, and all of you know, I've ended up in the emergency room with a very rare condition that I have that is very understood. Um, I can break a blood vessel and lose a large amount of blood, which causes a lot of problems. But it's not something you can see right at coming into the ER. And uh they struggle. This is why I now have my own vascular doctor. Um, it he is the one to call and they he will say, This is what's happened to her. This is what you need to do. The last time I passed out for over five minutes, woke up, they're all yelling at me. Um, and nobody wants to listen. They are taught in the ER to look for certain things. And if you don't fall in that box, it's very hard for them. I'm not saying they're not fabulous, I'm not saying they're not doing their job. They are. But when you come in as a rare person, now when I'm passed out, what good am I to them? Craig tries to tell them they really don't want to listen because they want to do their steps. Well, their steps don't always work on me. And this is where I'm telling you, you have to be an advocate. They work for us, not the other way around.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Okay? And I mean that with all sincerity.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

I have a friend that left a specialist appointment completely confused. She didn't want to seem unintelligent. So she nodded and smiled and said thank you and went home. She had absolutely no idea what the doctor had told her. She later admitted I was embarrassed to ask. Can I tell you something, people? Please don't let embarrassment keep you from understanding your own health care. Doctors explain things all day. And I've had this conversation with my friend Mary, that's a lawyer. She had to help me with a law case and she started using lawyer terms, and I had to say, Mary, I don't understand that. And she said, You know, I'm so sorry. I use these terms so often I forget. And so doctors explain things all day. Good doctors actually appreciate questions because an informed patient is usually a healthier patient and one that they're going to have to keep less track of, to be honest.

Ask Why Until You Understand

SPEAKER_00 10:29

The most important question you can ask, if you remember only one thing from today's episode, remember this. Whenever your doctor recommends a test, a medication, or a procedure, I want you to ask one simple question. Can you help me understand why? So if they're putting on you a medication, can you help me understand? You know, I that sounds like a great medication, but I would like to understand why I need it. Or a procedure. Or a test. They're sending you for a test. Okay, that's great. I'll schedule that as soon as I can. But can you help me understand why I need that specific test? Not because you're challenging them. So it's all in how you say it, because you're partnering with them. Because if I understand why, it helps me move forward. If I'm just blindly walking through all these tests, and I'm not gonna lie, I've done it. I had a blood test taken the last time I was at oncology, and I remembered what it was then. And yesterday when I saw I had to see my primary care for my Medicare checkup. Um, I said, I can't remember why they gave me that blood test. And then I remembered it's a brand new blood test. Of course, I go to a university that gets um trial things and first things first, and it can find the minuscule amount of cancer in your blood. And if they can find it in your blood, they know it's gonna show up somewhere else in your body. It's a start, people. Anyways, that's the blood test. But I totally drew a blank yesterday when he asked me because it was it's something so new he doesn't even know. All right. So on my website, Marcybackusmedia.com, I'm gonna have a doctor's visit survival kit for you. Okay, it'll have questions everyone should ask before leaving an appointment, how to deal with rushed appointments, patient portals, love them or hate them. I happen to love mine, when to get a second opinion, and a few other things. So stretch your legs, get yourself another diet coke. What do I have here? I have Dr. Pepper and cream soda zero sugar. That's what I'm drinking this afternoon.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

All right, so again, this is your survival guide for surviving the doctor, and I will have it on the website.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Okay MarcybackisMedia.com. I'm also gonna print this as an ebook for all of this the sessions that I have. Okay, but here's something I do need to tell you is that next the next two episodes, I'm gonna be on vacation, so they will be repeats. I'll pick some fun episodes, listen to them again. Maybe you'll learn something you forgot that I had talked about, but I'll pick two of my best episodes and I will put them up for um you're getting this on July 3rd, so July 10th and something like the 19th or the 11th, I don't know, somewhere in there. And then I will come back and we will finish our summer survival guide. All right. So the big mind shift that I want to talk about. Here's the biggest thing I hope you take away from today. Your doctor is the expert on medicine, as we talked about. But guess what? You are the expert on you, and I am an extreme expert on me. I am, I know everything about me. It's disgusting, but I have to because I've got a lot of weird things going on. You're the expert on you. Your doctor knows medicine, you know your body, you know when something feels different, you know when your energy changes, you know when medication doesn't seem right, you know when something simply feels off. Never underestimate that. You know you. Sometimes people hesitate because they don't want to bother the doctor. Oh, please, again, he works for you, she works for you, they work for you. Can we retire that idea right now? You're not bothering them, you're partnering with them. The more information you give them, the better they are at their job. Good doctors want informed patients. They want questions, they want you to understand what's happening. So here's survival tip number one: never go to an appointment empty-handed. Here's what's in my doctor office survival kit: a written list of questions, a place to put an updated medication list, not just prescriptions. I put my vitamins, my supplements, everything down. A checklist, including reading glasses, raise your hand if you ever forgot them. Yep, you're at the doctor's office and you don't have your reading glasses, take them. And a notebook. That's another thing you want to take because we all think we'll remember and then we don't. When I went through cancer, I had Craig there for those appointments so that somebody else heard what I was hearing. And if if on a regular basis, it's usually not necessary, but when you're gonna get some bad news or you've gotten some bad news and they're gonna tell you what you've got to do, you need somebody there because you're gonna hear that whooshing sound in your ears. And remember, we're gonna ask that question what question? Can you help me understand why?

SPEAKER_01 15:51

All right.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

All

Portals, Paperwork, And System Gaps

SPEAKER_00 15:55

right, is Dr. Google helping helping us? I don't think so. I honestly don't think so. I think I very rarely look up anything in in Google because one, it'll scare me. Two, I can't do anything about it. Um I've done it more than I used to, but it's I I don't like Google. I don't want to Google it. I want to talk to a doctor. Okay. All right. Healthcare has changed so much in the last 20 years. Sometimes I wonder if we're actually seeing doctors or if we're training to become IT specialists. And that's the truth. Before your appointment, you get three text messages, two emails, a reminder to confirm your appointment, a reminder to confirm your reminder, a request to complete forms online, a reminder to arrive 15 minutes early. And then you get there, they hand you the exact same forms to fill out anyway. I've had that happen many times. It is truly frustrating. I nobody can explain it to me. I filled out, so this appointment I went to yesterday, once you're on Medicare, you have to go to your primary care physician for a Medicare appointment. There's certain questions that they ask at this appointment that you've never been asked before. And so I filled out everything online. Then I got a call from somebody. I want to go through and get your answers to some questions. I said, Well, I just did it. She pulled it up. She goes, Oh, it looks like you have. She goes, I have a few others. So she at least acknowledged I had done it, didn't re-ask me the questions I had already answered. All right. And then you sit in a waiting room writing my address for the umpteenth time. I will say staying in the UIC system, I don't do that as much, but I've done that in the past. Patient portals. Now, before I complain too much about everything, I actually like patient portals. I like getting my lab work, I like messaging my doctors, I like being able to look up appointments. And here's what I don't like: my primary doctor has one portal, my eye doctor has another, and the hospital has another. This is a problem. And actually, um, I filled out a DNR yesterday, um a DNR order. And it's in my system at my hospital, but I live across the street from Northwestern. And if there's an emergency, that's where I go. And my doctor said, I wish I could get this over to Northwestern for you, but I can't because our systems don't talk to each other. That to me is the worst thing that we have going on in this country, besides our education system and um our food system. Yeah, he couldn't, he said. I said, I'll walk it over myself because it's important for obviously the uh hospital that I go to in emergencies. I don't want you to be afraid to speak up. Be polite, talk again. You know you better than anybody else.

Five Questions And Medication Strategy

SPEAKER_00 18:56

If I could hand everyone listening an index card, here's what would be on it. Question number one. What do you think is causing this? Not what could it be? What we always say, what is this? Or what do you actually think this is? A better question is, what do you think is causing this? Question number two. Sometimes the answer is what happens if we do nothing? Ask that question. They'll give you a whole list of stuff that you could do. Have you ever asked what happens if we do nothing? Side effects, all those things can be bad. What if I do nothing? And I'll tell you when you have cancer, they go through a lot of that. Like, how bad is it? What are the chances of it reoccurring? Blah, blah, blah. They go through all that. It was really quite quite refreshing. So, question number one, what do you think is causing this? What happens if we do nothing? What are my options? Is there a is physical therapy, lifestyle changes, waiting to see what happens, other medications? Ask that question. What side effects should I watch for? I got my um oh my gosh, it just my pneumonia shot yesterday. And your arm will be sore. There wasn't any real big side effects, and let me tell you, my arm's sore. Went to the gym still today, though, but it's sore. What side effects should I watch for? Here's a really powerful question. When should I call you? So if you've got something going on and they're giving you a medication or sending you for tests to get things better, and all of a sudden it gets worse. When should I call you? Don't be afraid to get second opinions. If you feel that second opinion is warranted, get it. Ask the questions. Okay? So that's all I'm gonna say about second opinions. Do it when you feel necessary. Don't be afraid to do it. Do it. Medications. Can we have an honest conversation at some point? Most of us are starting to take more medications than we ever imagined. But I want to tell you something. I cannot stand when there's somebody, well, I don't take any medications. Well, good for you, Dolores. I do. And you know what? I'm grateful for those medications because they keep my blood pressure down. Right now, they're blocking my estrogen that fed my cancer. Okay. I'm on blood pressure and cancer, and then I'm taking omeprazole, which keeps the gurgles down. I don't care. They all help me, and that's okay. You know what? Not have nobody, you're not gonna get to heaven and God's gonna go, oh, you get in first because you didn't take any medication. Dolores. Think about that. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Take the medicines if they're necessary, if they're gonna help you. Be careful that you're not crossing over medicines. Make sure you get all your medicines from one pharmacy. Okay, don't be jumping around pharmacies. I get all mine at CVS on Ohio Street. When I'm done with this, I'm gonna go pick some up, to be honest with you. I have to get my colonoscopy prepped. So, are we clear?

Quick Recap And Closing Grace

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Let's put it all together. So, today's survival kit, surviving the doctor's office, bring your questions, bring your medication list, bring your glasses. And I'll tell you, if you get all your medications from CVS, you can print out a medication list from their website, from your from your app. I love that. And then I just add in whatever I take vitamin D, vitamin K, I take a this, a that, you know, I add those. Okay. Bring your questions, your medication list, your glasses, your notebook. Bring another person if it's an important appointment. Ask why. Ask until you understand. Don't apologize for advocating for yourself. And remember, the goal isn't becoming a difficult patient. The goal is to become an informed one and a partner with your doctor. All right, everybody. So that was part two. Next week will be a um repeat episode of one of my episodes. I don't know, I've got a billion of them to choose from. The next two weeks, I'll be on vacation. I hope uh you have a great 4th of July. And I'm gonna tell you one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves as we age is grace, because not every doctor's appointment ends with good news. Sometimes they end with uncertainty, sometimes they end with relief. Sometimes they remind us how precious our health really is. So that's a wrap-up on today's podcast. Um, in three weeks, you're gonna the um the next chapter and our surviving guide is surviving family gatherings. Oh, that's a hard one some for some of us and not for others. And I don't know. I've got some tweaks in my family, that's for sure. So, anyways, I appreciate you being here. I am grateful. I want you to remember that you are your best advocate. You know you better than anybody else. I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me. I never take it for granted that you choose to invite me on your walk, your car, your kitchen, or your favorite chair. Remember, getting older doesn't mean life gets smaller. It means we get wiser, maybe even a little louder. We appreciate a little more. Don't be an asshole. Be a nice person. Don't be one of those grumpy old people. That's all I can say. A G8 for sissies, but it's a whole lot easier when we survive it together. Thank you. Enjoy your next few weeks. I will be on vacation in California.